Sometimes, when you want things to go just right, you make mistakes. You try so hard to get it right, you end up screwing it up. Fortunately, Houston did not make an utter disaster of All-Star weekend here, but we had our share of hiccups. And some of them were pretty damn embarrassing.
The good news is that the streets aren't littered with the burnt-out hulls of overturned cars and the bodies of those who got in the way. The bad news is that Neiman Marcus may never be the same again...assuming that's a bad thing.
Herewith are five things Houston got wrong this past weekend.
5. The traffic around downtown was horrible. The great thing about downtown Houston is that there are dozens of ways to get in and out of the area. Apparently, no one in Houston knows this fact and everyone proceeded down a handful of streets and freeways trying to get to the Toyota Center and George R. Brown Convention Center. I heard that there were limo drivers brought in from out of town who didn't know how to find even 59 and Kirby without GPS. They should have told me. I'd have gladly driven Diddy around.
4. Whatever was happening at Rich's on Saturday night, it wasn't good. Jay-Z and Beyoncé hosted a party at Rich's on Saturday night -- I was outside (don't ask) -- and let's just say it wasn't the best of what this city has to offer. First, Rich's is not exactly the first place you think of when you think of classy establishments -- ask the guys at the methadone clinic about two blocks away -- but it was overrun with people who paid too much for general admission and couldn't get in. The worst moment for me came when a clearly drunk woman picked herself up off the sidewalk, leapt into her sports car and headed down gridlocked Fannin. God help us. 3. KTRK hovered over Michael Jordan's private jet. Michael Jordan was in town celebrating All-Star weekend and his 50th birthday and what did we do to welcome him? Well, we hovered over his plane in a helicopter like he was in a high-speed car chase. I get that guys like Jordan don't visit that often -- that we know of -- but, to quote old timers discussing football end zone celebrations, "Act like you've been there."
2. The crowds at the Toyota Center were...er...not good. I know that many of the events during All-Star weekend were downright boring. That damn Saturday night almost had me sleeping. But when noise has to be piped in and the only thing cameras see in seats is number cards left for nonexistent fans to wave around, that's bad. I get that no one really wants to respond to Nick Cannon, but show a little pride.
1. The clusterf**** at the Galleria was an embarrassment. It's one thing to troll for celebrities. It's another thing to turn the Galleria into a near war zone that required mounted police. I mean, seriously, what were you thinking if you went down there? I'm pretty sure the vast majority of the massive crowd that shut down the Galleria hours before its scheduled closing weren't there to pop into Tiffany or Prada. It was worse than when a new iPhone comes out, and that's saying something.
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