"Alleged Feces" in Lufkin Dollar General Store Likely Came from Woman and not "Large Animal"

On entering a storeroom at a Lufkin Dollar General store, an employee was shocked, dismayed and appalled to find the floor dotted with a pile or piles of what KTRE has described as "a 'large animal amount' of feces."

The staff acted quickly and decisively. (You would too if you believed there was a cougar, wolf or maybe even a bear crapping up a storm in your storeroom.) They tied the door shut and called Lufkin Police.

While the cops were en route, the employees viewed the store's security tapes. Mystery solved: A female customer is seen on the tapes heading into the storeroom and leaving before the dooky-mounds were discovered.

While the woman is not explicitly seen dropping these epic deuces on the tape, she is reportedly the only person shown entering that door, which is clearly marked with signs declaring that it is for employees only and that there are restrooms elsewhere on the premises.

The store manager is said to be considering filing criminal charges.

We called the store to get the latest breaks in this depraved diary of dollar-store defecation. We wanted to know exactly what kind of large animal they thought might have done the deed, and whether they planned to keep that door locked in the future, and to whom it fell to clean up that zoo cage-like storeroom, but the manager-on-doodie sighed, chuckled and refused comment.

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John Nova Lomax
Contact: John Nova Lomax