As the whole blogosphere knows by now, Rick Perry -- the only governor Texas has at the moment -- has talked of the possible need to secede from the United States.
This apparently counts as pro-America rhetoric at a tea party; the logic of that escapes us. (Oh yeah, it's no longer "America" when there's a Democrat in charge.)
Perry is trembling with fear at the thought of Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison taking him on next year, so he's running madly as far right as he can get.
Still -- even though it's Rick Perry we're talking about -- we find it hard to believe he's thought this thing through. And we not referring to all the federal money Perry's all too happy to demand and use that would dry up.
We're talking about border control.
As every conservative knows, Texas can't even control its border with Mexico, and we are thus overrun with a brown horde that is single-handedly dooming us to bilingual perdition.
If we can't protect the Mexican border, how does Perry plan to protect the Louisiana border? Or the Oklahoma border, for God's sake?
Let's examine this:
1. Oklahoma. The efficient, lean, high-tech Border Patrol of the New Republic of Texas will be charged with running checkpoints on I-35. You're gonna start asking "What's the purpose of your visit" before Texas-OU weekend? There's only so many times a Border Patrol agent can hear "To watch Bob Stoops outcoach Mack Brown again" before he or she snaps. Plus, you know how the rest of the states treated Okies during the Grapes of Wrath days.
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2. Louisiana. "Sir, are you carrying any prohibited foodstuffs?" "Well, cher, dey ain't prohibited in Lafayette, I can tell you dat." So you're talking about lengthy searches of duct-taped styrofoam coolers, opening innumerable jars of oddly colored liquids claiming to be roux, trying to find all the undeclared flasks left over from the last LSU game. Average wait at the border crossing: Four hours.
3. The other problem: Traveling the world with a Texas passport. Yeah, imagine the reception you're gonna get in France, in England, in New York City. What could go wrong?
On the other hand, we'll be fascinated to watch Perry finance road construction, an Army and Air Force, a university system and medical care without an income tax.
Oh, that's right: Private enterprise will take care of all that.