An Open Letter on National Coming Out Day

To: John and Tom From: Your pal Craig Re: National Coming Out Day

Hey guys, I know you get razzed a lot, and I know you have the right to stay in the closet the rest of your lives if you so choose, but if you’ve ever thought about taking the leap, today is National Coming Out Day. You wouldn’t be alone. The Human Rights Campaign wants to make it as easy as possible – they have kits and guides and all sorts of advice on how to express the fact that you like dudes.

I understand the pressures of Hollywood, and I know Xenu may not approve, but really -- what has he done for you lately? Wild Hogs? Mission Impossible 14? Think of the inspiration you could provide for kids struggling with the difficulties of coming out. “Hey,” they might tell themselves, “if a prominent former Sweathog and a midget can do it, why can’t I?”

Look, it’s the 20th anniversary of the Gay and Lesbian March on Washington and the AIDS Quilt. This is an important day. So ditch the beards, open that door, and crank up the Madonna. Be True Blue, guys. Or rather, True Pink.

All the best,

Craig Malisow

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