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An Open Letter to Fans of Miguel Tejada

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Houston sports fan, you are a hypocritical idiot.

What am I talking about? Miguel Tejada, that’s what I’m talking about. This guy can do no wrong in your eyes. So what if he used steroids? So what if he lied under oath to the Feds? So what if he committed fraud for 14 years? He’s getting hits, so you don’t care.

But it’s funny how it mattered with Barry Bonds. It’s funny how Barry Bonds was the most evil man in the world. How he’s supposed to be in jail and how he’s a disgrace to the game of baseball for taking steroids and lying.

The only thing I can figure is that Barry Bonds is a dick, and Miguel Tejada’s not. Which to me seems to mean that it doesn’t matter what rules you break, or what lies you tell. As long as you’re a nice guy, it’s A-OK.

The San Francisco Giant baseball fans were mocked about the country for standing up for Barry Bonds. But here are the Houston Astros fans are standing up for a great man with a great personality who hits home runs for sick little kids in the hospital.

You, Astros fan, are just as bad as the Giants fan. Whether you want to admit it or not. And I’ll tell you what else is a problem: the idiots over at the Chron. When the San Fran Chron had a chance to nail Barry Bonds, they risked jail time to get the truth. Whereas the morons over at the Houston Chron (Brian McTaggart excepted) celebrate Tejada. Like Richard Justice writing that Tejada’s “been a perfect acquisition in every sense of the word.”

Perfect expect for his taking steroids. Perfect expect for his lying to the Feds. Perfect except for his 14 year history of committing fraud. Perfect. Just like Barry Bonds is perfect except for taking steroids. Just like Barry Bonds is perfect except for lying to the Feds. Perfect except for the 14 year history of committing fraud. But wait a minute, I got that wrong. Barry Bonds didn’t go around for 14 years lying about his age and cheating his bosses out of millions of dollars, so maybe his fraud’s not as bad as Tejada’s.

Barry Bonds can’t get a job in baseball. But Houston is embracing Miguel Tejada as if he’s a native son. No wonder Jose de Jesus Ortiz can go on ESPN and talk about Houston supporting Roger Clemens. Or that billboards can up throughout the city talking about the city’s support for Roger Clemens. After all, with the way Tejada has been embraced, you’ve just got to know that Rocket would be embraced upon his return.

I’ll say this: when the New York Yankees come to town, I better not be hearing any negative comments about Jason Giambi or Andy Pettitte. You better be giving them standing ovations like you do Miguel Tejada. Because at least they’ve admitted their actions were wrong whereas Tejada has yet to apologize for any of his actions.

And just keep telling yourself that lie: it’s only B12. It’s only B12. – John Royal

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