An Opera About Houston's Anna Nicole Smith? Why The Hell Not?

World, you have waited long enough -- you are finally getting your Anna Nicole Smith opera.

Britain's Royal Opera House has announced it will produce an opera based on the life of Houston's favorite stripper/golddigger/Rusty Hardin antagonist in 2011.

The libretto will be written by the guy who did Jerry Springer, The Opera. (This apparently is the libretto equivilent of hiring John Grisham to do a legal thriller. It's kind of in the guy's wheelhouse.)

The Guardian says to expect depth, not tawdriness:

It is not going to be a horrible, sleazy evening," Elaine Padmore, Covent Garden's director of opera told the Guardian. "It is not going to be tawdry; it is going to be witty, clever, thoughtful and sad.

"In broad outline, it will tell the story of her life, the people who influenced her, her progress ... Clearly the story is about a woman who met an ancient gentleman in a wheelchair, but it's not going to be a straight narrative; choices have been made about significant moments, selecting which incidents in her life are to be built up."

How British: "Clearly the story is about a woman who met an ancient gentleman in a wheelchair." That's one way to summarize Smith's tale, we guess.

We suggest one of the following titles:

The Marriage Of (The Oldest) Figaro

La Boheme With The Bodacious Ta-Tas

The Magic Flute I Had To Work On For A Half-Hour Before It Could Get Hard

Madame Butterface

Cosi Fan Titties

Whoreiss Gudunov

La Tosc-rew You, Rusty

We fully expect one of these to be chosen.

-- Richard Connelly

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