As always, a couple of disclaimers are in order. Not all, indeed not necessarily any, of these people were convicted of a crime. Additionally, the crimes they are accused of -- those that have been accused, that is -- are in some cases as minor as driving on a suspended license or possession of small amounts of pot.
And so, without further ado:
Patronne Dextrexxe Brooks: Puts us in mind of both tequila and porn.
Pearlie Mae Cobbins: Now this is just a classic -- if I still had my 1976 Caddy Coupe de Ville, this would be her name.
Anal Exceus: Oy.
Tito Kunta Hunt: Someone like both Roots and Yugoslavian strongmen, but the resulting name comes across as naughty.
Whithworth Treasure: Sounds like the leading man in a romance novel written by a sixth grader.
Willie Nelson de Ochoa: Only in Texas.
Shi'tia Alford: Might as well have alerted CPS the day they put this on the birth certificate. That name is child abuse, pure and simple.
Heavenleigh Flores: Not super classy, but I kind of like it.
Dacodunn Ahito Dante Antoine: Wow. Read it out loud. It sounds like some awesome foreign language. Fun name.
Stylz Montavian Murry: I got stylz, baby, Montavian stylzzzzzz
Aristotle Onassis Harris: Who knew some Houston mom would find a Greek shipping magnate so inspiring?
Chastity Spotts: I learned about those in health class.
Charmin Crew: No squares in stall two. Send in the Charmin Crew.
Petrono Tum Pu: Sounds like stomach medicine you'd find in Indonesia.
Joey Perfecto: Sounds like someone Eugene Levy would have played on SCTV.
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.