The suspense has been so thick you could cut it with....Oh, Christ, what's the word we're looking for here...some kind of cutting implement...a really sharp-edged melon-baller? No, that's not it. Maybe box cutters.
At any rate, you can relieve that suspense right now by clicking on our current cover story and finding out who walked away with the prestigious 2009 Turkey of the Year award.
It was a tremendously competitive year, so the winner really had to outdo himself (or herself!) Was it Sheila Jackson Lee, giving the greatest eulogy since the Gettysburg Address? Allen Stanford, for reinforcing the tasteless-Texan stereotype?
Cecil Cooper, for just being Cecil Cooper?
The answer lies a mere click away.
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(A knife!!!! That's what we were thinking of!!!)