And The Most Gripping Photo Of The Dynamo Game Was Taken By...Me, Mr. Red-Eye?

A few things you have to know before you realize how unlikely the events of Saturday night were.

1. I am completely inept at photography. You want a portrait of a lovely pair of friends, standing perfectly still with smiles cemented impatiently on their faces, waiting waiting WAITING for the flash to go off and reveal a painfully obvious set of satanic red eyes?

I'm your man. No questions asked.

2. Me: Not the world's biggest soccer fan Yes, I'm a heathen philistine who prefers some pseudo homage-to-war sport like so-called "football" where everyone runs into each other, falls down, gets up and does it again.

So if there is a soccer game happening in my near vicinity, chances are I won't be paying a great deal of attention to it.

3. BBVA Compass Stadium? Pretty damn leaky If you didn't see highlights or watched the weather Satuday night, you should know the rains got torrential at times downtown.

We were sitting in an uncovered area of BBVA Compass Stadium, so we took to the concourse for protection. Unfortunately, the concourse of BBVA Compass Stadium leaks worse than a struggling presidential campaign.

So the elaborate photographic equipment I was using -- what Ansel Adams referred to in Yosemite as a "Sprint 4G" -- had to endure harsh elements perhaps beyond its design envelope.

Still, I had a job to do, dammit.

My nephew, Bobby Shuttleworth, was in goal for the New England Revolution, and more than holding his own against the Dynamo.

Our seats for the first half were directly behind him, and with his mom (my sister) following the game from Buffalo, NY, I had to do my part to provide evidence the match had taken place.

So using all the care, preparation and planning that I always, painstakingly, put into such life-and-death tasks as popping that second Budweiser top, I figured out the "camera" icon on the Sprint 4G and then -- in a move that no doubt had ol' Ansel smiling down appreciatively from above -- pointed the gizmo in the general direction of the field.

And I got the picture posted above.

No biggie, eh? Look closer:


And before you go clamoring on about things like "lighting" and "focus" and other such bourgeoisie concepts, remember soccer photography is art, not science.

It's European, after all.

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