Andres Gonzales: Machete man
Andres Gonzales: Machete man
Nueces County Jail

Andres Gonzales Assails Son-In-Law With Futile Twin Machete Attack

The thought of our own father-in-law waiting for us with glassy eyes and bad intent in our carport armed with not one but two rusty old machetes is one of the more unlikely and alarming prospects we can envision, but that exact scenario just unfolded for a 39-year-old Corpus Christi man Tuesday night.

And then the Ninja-style father-in-law -- 58-year-old Andres Gonzales -- attacked, both blades flashing through the evening's humid Coastal Bend air. Fortunately for the son-in-law, the machetes belonging to this twin-sword would-be marauder were more like enormous butter knives, both too dull to do much, if any, damage. (No injuries were reported.)

Along with his own two teenage sons, the son-in-law was able to wrest the blades away from Gonzales, and to judge from his mugshot, punch him in the kisser a couple of times for good measure.

At that point, Gonzales went away, but not before stating he would be back, this time with a gun. (While there is probably no good excuse for what he did, we do wonder what he was so angry about.)

Before that could happen, police found him wandering the streets. He was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, though we are wondering if a lawyer could successfully contend that the machetes proved themselves singularly less-than-lethal in their trial-by-fire.

Gonzales also had an open warrant for failing to keep his animals' vaccinations current. He is currently in the Nueces County Jail in lieu of $30,000 bond.

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