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Anna Benson Is Hot. Oh, and Her Husband Is a Decent Pitcher.

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Just a couple of baseball-related matters that I want to bring up to finish out the week.

1. The talk is hot and heavy that the Astros are once again trying to get Miguel Tejada. The main problem appears to be that the Astros are the only team in the majors that want Adam Everett and Chris Burke, because they're the names the Astros have been giving to the Orioles, and those are the names the Orioles have been rejecting.

I was real big on the Tejada trade several years ago, but now I'm conflicted. I think everyone knows how I feel about Adam Everett. But Tejeda hasn't exactly been the world's best shortstop over the past several seasons. I'd still be willing to take his poor defense for his good offensive numbers, only his offensive numbers have dipped a bit lately. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, the Orioles have been a bad team for several years now, and it's just really possible that Tejada needs a change of scenery because he lost interest and figured it didn't matter. Second, Tejada's been linked to this whole steroid thing -- Rafael Palmeiro says that his problems are Tejada's fault. So there's the possibility that the numbers are no longer juiced because Tejada's no longer juiced.

My main problem with this trade is that I think this team needs to be blown up and rebuilt, and you don't rebuild by trading for an aging talent like Tejada. However, Tejada's the same age as Everett, and if Tejada can show flashes of his old form, then he becomes the perfect trade bait to get some really major prospects.

So, I like the idea of this trade, but not as much as I used to. But I really don't think it's ever going to happen.

2. Speaking of the Orioles and steroids, Oriole outfielder Jay Gibbons was suspended yesterday for the first 15 games of next season for using performance-enhancing substances. Also suspended was brand-new Kansas City Royals outfielder Jose Guillen, and for the same reason.

A couple of things about this.

It's very possible that these two guys are just the tip of the iceberg as it's being announced that George Mitchell will be releasing the report on his investigation of steroid use in baseball next week. And he will be naming names. According to Arte Moreno, the owner of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, people will be shocked at some of the names to be mentioned.

Another strange thing about this is that St. Louis Cardinals outfielder Rick Ankiel and Cleveland Indians pitcher Paul Byrd were cleared by Major League Baseball because MLB said that there was "insufficient evidence" that these two used illegal substances. Which is kind of funny seeing as how both confessed to using HGH. Hell, Byrd admitted during the American League Championship Series. What kind of sufficient evidence is MLB seeking?

Finally, I'm surprised that Mr. Morality, Richard Justice, hasn't written a column or a blog post condemning Gibbons and Guillen. I guess he only trots that out for Barry Bonds. Which is even more surprising since Bonds had a court appearance today regarding his grand jury indictment.

3. Now to go back to the Baltimore Orioles, or rather, former Baltimore Orioles, I give you the name of Kris Benson. Many of you may know Kris Benson as a mediocre pitcher traded by the Pirates to the Mets for Ty Wigginton. And Benson went from the Mets to the Orioles. Benson's a free agent now, and he hasn't pitched for a year because of a torn labrum. But he appears to be healthy, and ready to return to the mound. And we all know that the Astros are desperate for starting pitching, so it's possible that this guy could be had for a decent price.

But that's not the reason I want Kris Benson for the Astros. I want Kris Benson on the Astros because, where Kris Benson goes, so goes his wife Anna. www.annabenson.net/ And if you've never heard of the Anna Benson experience, well, you've really been missing out on the fun.

Mrs. Benson's a former stripper, so she would be an excellent fit for Houston. She wanted to pose for Playboy. She's posed for FHM. Anna and Kris have been in Penthouse. Anna once said that if she caught her husband fooling around on her, she'd sleep with every member of his team. She caused quite an uproar when Kris was with the Mets when she showed up as Mrs. Claus at a children's Christmas Party. The problem was that her costume was a red mini-skirt and a red cleavage-baring top.

Can't you just see this couple as members of the good old church-going Astros family? Lance Berkman would probably be having prayer sessions before every game trying to save Kris's soul.

The team would still suck. But man, it would be fun. – John Royal

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