Robert Wade Prince, 47, is from Alabama. We have a feeling he's called "Bobby," if not "Bobby Wade."
He was coming back from Amsterdam when he got a little annoyed with things, and began making a series of seriously bad decisions that ended up with him getting arrested at Bush over the weekend and now facing prison time much longer than he probably considered possible.
Let's break down the chronology, as provided by the U.S. Attorney's office:
1) Prince had became boisterous and was yelling loudly despite repeated admonitions by the flight crew to cease.
Perfectly understandable. It was a Continental flight, and you know how long it takes them to get you a damn beer when you need it.
2. Prince is also alleged to have grabbed a female flight attendant by the arm.
Not so good, Bobby Wade. No touchee, dude.
3) After a female passenger seated next to Prince complained about Prince inappropriately touching her and his yelling, a male flight attendant asked a federal air marshal to exchange seats with the female passenger.
Ah -- we take it you don't consider yourself ruled by the "no touchee" mandate. But we're trying to put ourselves in the place of this woman: not only is she being groped, she's being groped by a guy who's yelling. Son, that's no way to seduce a woman.
4) Prince allegedly attempted to block the air marshal from taking the seat.
In for a penny, in for a pound, right?
5) After the air marshal identified himself as a federal officer, Prince allegedly struck the air marshal about the torso twice.
The question must be asked, Bobby Wade -- have you read any newspaper or seen any TV news since, oh, mid-September 2001? (Allegedly) striking an air marshal is a genius move. And are we to believe that it didn't settle things down right away?
6) Prince was restrained and as a result of his unwillingness to cooperate had to be forcibly removed to the crew rest area of the plane. For the remainder of the flight, the complaint alleges Prince was belligerent and verbally abusive to the air marshal.
Yeah, you pussies!! Just take these cuffs off and we'll see who the real man is!!!
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Of course, Wade might have a completely different version of events, but he's busy today being arraigned.
And on account of his little blow-up, he faces more than if he just tussled with a bouncer.
Interfering with flight crew members and attendants carries a punishment range of up to 20 years upon conviction while assaulting an officer carries a maximum punishment of eight years imprisonment. Both offenses are also punishable by fines of up to $250,000 each. The third charge -- assault -- carries a maximum punishment of six months incarceration and a $5,000 fine.
Keep making Bama proud, Bobby!!!