Assault By Mardi Gras Beads: Coming Soon To A Law & Order Near You

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

A Galveston jury has acquitted a man of the dastardly deed of Assault by Mardi Gras Beads, thus making the world safe for balcony-dwellers everywhere wishing to see a flash or two of drunken boob.

Larry Dean Wiseman of Houston was the accused, charged with dropping what the Galveston County Daily News calls "a cantaloupe-sized bag" of beads onto a woman he says was cursing and arguing with him.

Mistah, throw me something...but take it out of the goddamn bag, asshole!

The woman says she wasn't cursing, and was injured to the degree of $11,000 in medical bills and lost wages. On the other hand, she got a cantaloupe-sized bag of Mardi Gras beads, which must have a street value of, say, $3.50 or so.

Wiseman's oh-so-tricky defense: He didn't drop the bead bomb, his wife did. And the statute of limitations has passed for charging the wife, so you're out of luck, prosecutors!

Prosecutors insist they had the right person accused in the February 2008 incident, but a jury said there wasn't enough evidence to convict after 10 minutes of deliberation, eight minutes of which was probably spent discussing how they got stuck with such a silly case.

Wiseman's lawyer, according to the Daily News, says they offered to settle the case by paying the targeted woman $7,000, but an agreement could not be reached.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.