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Assault By Mardi Gras Beads: Coming Soon To A Law & Order Near You

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A Galveston jury has acquitted a man of the dastardly deed of Assault by Mardi Gras Beads, thus making the world safe for balcony-dwellers everywhere wishing to see a flash or two of drunken boob.

Larry Dean Wiseman of Houston was the accused, charged with dropping what the Galveston County Daily News calls "a cantaloupe-sized bag" of beads onto a woman he says was cursing and arguing with him.

Mistah, throw me something...but take it out of the goddamn bag, asshole!

The woman says she wasn't cursing, and was injured to the degree of $11,000 in medical bills and lost wages. On the other hand, she got a cantaloupe-sized bag of Mardi Gras beads, which must have a street value of, say, $3.50 or so.

Wiseman's oh-so-tricky defense: He didn't drop the bead bomb, his wife did. And the statute of limitations has passed for charging the wife, so you're out of luck, prosecutors!

Prosecutors insist they had the right person accused in the February 2008 incident, but a jury said there wasn't enough evidence to convict after 10 minutes of deliberation, eight minutes of which was probably spent discussing how they got stuck with such a silly case.

Wiseman's lawyer, according to the Daily News, says they offered to settle the case by paying the targeted woman $7,000, but an agreement could not be reached.

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