BATTLE-DRINK, Week 13: The All-John McClain Edition

Watching sporting events in the year 2013 is a different experience now than it was just five years ago. Yeah, if we're watching on television, we still have our play-by-play guy, our color analyst and perhaps even a sideline reporter. Those people haven't gone anywhere.

But now, even just in the last five years, we get a lot more information available given to us in game, what with on-screen game status graphics, colored lines on the field for first downs and field goal range, and a perpetual flow of information on a ticker at the bottom of the screen.

And then there's Twitter.

Used properly during a sporting event, Twitter has become a frenetic adjunct to all of the other sensory items during a game. With a constant flow of opinions, stats, one-liners and emotional outbursts, Twitter is a social media amalgam that becomes a sort of third man in the booth for us.

When watching Texans games, there are a few "must-follows" on Twitter, but there is nobody who compares to legendary Houston Chronicle NFL writer John McClain.

For most of the regular work week, McClain's Twitter feed is a fairly standard Chronicle columnist's timeline -- lots of quotes from press conferences, retweets of links to articles (his and some colleagues'), statistics and a few opinions. A normal, good, solid Twitter follow experience.

But as soon as toe meets leather in any Texans game, it's like McClain jumps into a phone booth and becomes a Twitter superhero whose special power is to spew over-the-top honesty and criticism on virtually every Texans play.

Pathetic. Horrendous. Wretched. These are all staple words in McClain's tweets during Texans games that are so ingrained into his persona that he could probably sell branded merchandise with the word "PATHETIC" written across the front. (In fact, this needs to happen.)

In short, "regular" John McClain is a kind man and a good friend. "Texans game Twitter John McClain," though, is flat-out awesome.

Dozens of people (including McClain) have had BATTLE DRINK squares dedicated to them before, but never has an individual commanded an entire board. Until now.

I could think of no better game to harness McClain's unique brand of rapid-fire criticism into a collective drinking BINGO board than the New England Patriots' coming into Reliant this Sunday. So without further ado, here is your special All-John McClain Twitter BATTLE DRINK board. All squares are listed below with embedded examples of McClain's executing each of them in the last couple of weeks.

Here you go: B1: Pathetic

B2: Horrendous

B3: Wretched

B4: Terrible

B5: Bad

I1: Helpless

I2: Feeble

I3: Futile

I4: Abysmal

I5: Horrible

N1: Sarcastic special teams comment

N2: Sarcastic Texans penalty comment

N4: Sarcastic 2nd half ineptitude comment

N5: Sarcastic Bob McNair comment

G1: "Texans will have first pick in draft"

G2: "Texans will take a QB"

G3: "Texans will cut Matt Schaub

G4: "Gary Kubiak will be fired"

G5: "Thug, punk, loser" mention I couldn't find any Twitter examples to back up this square, but I do know that these terms are all McClain staples on his radio appearances on Texans flagship 610 AM, and I do know that Aaron Hernandez was a Patriot until he (allegedly) killed a guy. That's something a thug, punk, and loser would do. So, could happen.

O1: Robert Griffin III mention O2: Art Briles mention O3: Bryce Petty mention O4: Baylor bowl prospects mention O5: Grant Teaff mention

Pretty solid effort on that last tweet, as it would have paid off with three different squares on one tweet. Killer.

One reminder -- as always, you can play conventional BATTLE-DRINK by following the rules exactly (and risk a case of alcohol poisoning that would kill an adult elephant), you can play BATTLE-DRINK SIP, which replaces all of the column components (Chug, Gulp, Shotgun, Shot) with "Sip," or you can play BATTLE-DRINK LIGHT, which makes each square one sip when it occurs.

As always, please drink responsibly, and don't drink and drive. Drinking and driving is PATHETIC!

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 Yahoo! Sports Radio from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays and nationally on the Yahoo! Sports Radio network Saturdays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. CST. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

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