Bayer Aspirin Between Gals' Knees For Contraception? Now These Old Bayer Ads Make Sense

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Foster Friess, the big-bucks donor to Rick Santorum's presidential hopes, went on TV talking about contraception today, because that is the most pressing issue facing the country.

"Back in my day, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn't that costly," he said.

Now, someone who uses the term "the gals" probably meant this all as an allegedly funny way of saying "keep your legs together and you won't get pregnant," but maybe not.

Maybe Bayer does have some magic contraceptive uses. In which case, these vintage ads finally make sense, sorta.

The swingin' behatted dude in the middle is actually saying "Shit, they're both pregnant?!?" The woman on the left is trying to reassure him as he gets the hell out of there, yelling "Don't worry!! I have a Bayer aspirin!! I'm going to put it between my legs!!", while the woman on the right, sadly Bayer-less, has put on a hazmat suit in hopes of keeping all stray sperm away.

She's holding that damn tablet as tight as she can between her knees, but that sexy mustache on the doc is not making things any easier.

"It happens in two seconds!" Well, not if you're doing it right.

Lady, we don't care what your friends told you at that slumber party in sixth grade, you can't get pregnant with a blow job.

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