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BCS Title Game -- God Is Apparently an Auburn Fan

"It's just a God thing. You know I thank God every single day. I'm just his instrument and he's using me on a consistent basis daily. You know he's using me to extend his word. And I'm a prime example of how God can turn something bad into something very great." -- Cam Newton in the BCS title postgame interview

And with that God shouted a hearty "WAR EAGLE!"

I don't profess to be a theology professor nor even an overly religious person. I attend church probably much less than I should, and I commit my fair share of sins on a daily basis. That said, I find it dubious curious that God would take time away from little things like famine, cancer and natural disasters to make sure that Cam Newton could put the cherry on top of his soon to be vacated Heisman season.

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. After all, once Kurt Warner decided to retire last season, all of a sudden God was probably like, "Damn, what am I going to do with all of this spare football karma on my hands? Warner took up all my time!"

Naturally, of all the players He could choose upon whom to bestow personal and team accolades, it makes perfect sense that God would choose Cam Newton. After all, what about "stealing laptops" and "cheating on tests" doesn't scream "GOD!!"?

What people don't realize is that when Moses came down from the mountain with the Ten Commandments, there was actually an 11th Commandment chiseled in microscopic font that read, "Thou shalt not commit crucial turnovers in the fourth quarter." (Amazingly, God was able to look past Newton's breaking of this rule Monday night.)

Actually, if you get the Bible as an audio book and play the reading of the book of Colossians backwards, it's actually the play by play of all of Cam Newton's touchdowns from this past season. (Related note: The book of Timothy played backwards is actually Tebow's apology after the Ole Miss game in 2008.)

In the end, it's a numbers game really, and why wouldn't God choose to use the fruit of Cecil Newton's loins as the instrument to convey His word? After all, the dogged efforts of Cecil to pimp his son's services around the SEC may have possibly (um, probably?) raised nearly $200,000 for a new vacation house his church. Who knew the spread offense could make such a difference in so many people's lives?

It's true, some very stupid people have talked for the last few months about all of the "adversity" that Newton has overcome, and gosh dang it if you're not inspired by young Cam hurdling obstacles like his own theft, his own cheating and an...um...enterprising father, then the problem lies in your soul, my friend.

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For this is Cam Newton, instrument of God, conqueror of tribulation, chosen one. He'll be the first to tell you, don't pity him, celebrate him: "Throughout this year, didn't nobody feel sorry for Auburn, and we got the last laugh."

Because God is all about getting the last laugh. (So is the NCAA, by the way.)

And if this all sounds a little crazy, well, Cam already told you -- it's a God thing. You wouldn't understand.

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from noon-3 p.m. and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

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