Blonde Ambition: The Next Elle Woods on BROADWAY OMG!

Like a newborn baby to her mama’s teat, I’ve been sucked into this show despite my better judgment, and I don’t care who knows it. This Monday, July 21, we find out which lady will become the next Elle Woods on Broadway! Thank you, MTV, for destroying yet another portion of my college-educated brain.

Truth be told, like Project Runway or even American Idol, the best reality shows are not those that involve eating cow brains or making out with Tila “They Call Me Chlamydia” Tequila. No, the best reality shows involve talent versus talent until a crowning “best of” is named in the final episode. And that’s what MTV’s Legally Blonde: The Musical: The Search for Elle Woods is all about. (It’s also the owner of the longest television show title in history, I think.)

In an effort to replace the current Elle Woods on Broadway (Laura Bell Bundy…and, oh yeah, they did make Legally Blonde a musical, folks, honestly they did)…at any rate, in an effort to find the new Elle Woods, MTV has gathered a bevy of blonde babes of varying degrees of talent and charisma and eliminated them one by one over the course of several weeks. (Wouldn’t it be hilarious if when the girls on the chopping block were sent to “the casting office” at the end of each episode, they actually had to sleep with casting director Bernard Telsey?)

Anyhoo, we’re down to the final three, which will soon be the final two. While I’m still smarting over the dismissal of New Yorker Emma Zaks (you know that girl was riding the subway alone at ten and chain smoking by eleven), I’m personally pulling for Autumn Hurlbert, a 28-year-old from Arizona whose been in the business long enough to know that dreams of makin’ it on The Great White Way come true less often than one would hope. A veteran of the stage, you can feel her seething, well-placed resentment toward teenage ingénues Rhiannon “Toothy” Hansen and Bailey “Hey y’all” Hanks.

Personally, I don’t think Rhiannon has a chance in Hell. Her last audition had her so winded by the end of the number, she could barely breathe and talk at the same time. Still, she’s right about having that “it” factor. Something about her unwavering sweetness makes you want to look at her until you feel the cavities developing.

I think it’s going to come down to Autumn and Bailey, and I think Bailey, despite being 20 and green, is going to get it…and we’ll watch as Autumn packs up her things and wanders sullenly from the stage, dejected and facing 30 in the face. I could hope for the better, fairer outcome, but show business being the cruel mistress that she is, I just don’t think it’s going to happen. But a gal can believe, can’t she? – Jennifer Mathieu

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