Bobby Petrino's Busted Motorcycle Is for Sale!

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Whether it's for a radio station or print/Web publication (both of which are entities from whom I draw a paycheck), it's always good to be the resident expert at something. Ever since Bobby Petrino crashed his motorcycle into that wood pile on that fateful Sunday afternoon in early April, I've morphed into the resident expert on all things "Petrino extramarital affair"-related.

And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. Here's the latest....

If you want to own a little piece of Petrino history (and quite frankly, when you consider the ripple effects this item caused, it's really a piece of college football history), the motorcycle, the very vehicle on which Petrino careened into that ditch, is available for purchase on an auction on the site copart.com.

Below is a picture of the listing:

(NOTE: As of Thursday afternoon, the direct links to the listing now go to copart.com's main page, so I'm not sure if the listing has been removed or is being modified. However, we will press on with this post as if the motorcycle is still buyable.)

As of early Thursday morning, the latest high bid was up to $5,600 and the auction still has a solid three weeks to go (ends at noon on May 30, 2012). Among the handful of caveats is the fact that the bike comes "as-is," which is significant because it has a repair cost from the Petrino-inflicted damage of over $18,000.

But let me say one thing (before I try and bring you in on an exciting investment opportunity!) -- if you are buying this motorcycle to repair it and then ride it, you're an idiot. If you're going to buy a Harley to ride, go buy a Harley from a Harley store somewhere (preferably 1560 sponsor Republic Harley-Davidson in Stafford, Texas). If you're buying this particular Harley, you're buying it because of its historical significance and the fact that this was the bike that ended Petrino's Arkansas coaching career.

This level of authenticity can only be maintained by leaving the bike in its crumpled state. Leaving the bike fully damaged is also the only way to recoup your investment in buying the bike. What am I talking about? Well, stay with me here.

Imagine you own (or are part of a small LLC run by me which owns) the mashed-up Petrino Harley (which, by the way, is hilariously named "Hawg Wild"). Now imagine bringing the bike to a different SEC game each weekend (including several Razorback games, obviously) and perching it in a prominent spot near the highest-traffic tailgating area.

Now imagine the number of drunk frat boys, entitled sorority girls, shitfaced alums and general people walking the grounds who would want to have their picture taken sitting on Bobby Petrino's bike. Now imagine charging each of them $10 for the right to do so. Alcohol makes people do stupid things, including dropping $10 so that they can text a picture to all of their buddies of them posing on the infamous Hawg Wild. Hell, imagine what some of the couples would be doing on that bike, including re-enacting the "gust of wind" that blew Petrino into the wood pile.

Just typing that previous paragraph makes me think $10 isn't enough, but you get my point. At the price it's sitting at right now, our investment would be recovered before kickoff of the opening game. That price will inevitably go up, maybe way up, but worst case, we're probably hitting the "pure profit" stage by the end of the first month of the season.

This needs to happen. And once the "posing on the bike" novelty has worn off, we can move the bike to the Hall of Shame that I plan on opening someday. Yes, someday I envision there being a building where artifacts from the sports world that symbolize scandal, scumbaggery and soul-crushing defeat are all gathered and are able to be viewed museum-style. The place would crush, trust me.

But the Hall of Shame, that's another idea for another post. For now, can I interest you in investing in Hawg Wild, LLC?

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.

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