TheSan Antonio Express-News
is reporting (through aChron link
) that the federal government has a new, exciting plan to deal with undocumented/illegal aliens.
Turn yourself in.
"Operation Scheduled Departure" will take away all the hassle of getting arrested and deported, says Julie Myers, the head of Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Instead of waiting around to be picked up in ICE raids at the workplace, aliens can step into an office, confess to their status, and get a few weeks before they have to leave.
We think this idea is terrific, and should be applied to many more areas of law enforcement.
Operation Stop & Rob -- HPD will set up computer kiosks next to every convenience store in the city. Before donning your ski cap and flexing to get the best definition on your muscles in the surveillance video, stop off at the kiosk and answer a few questions. Answering "yes" to "Are you planning to rob this store?" will bring a police cruiser. Given HPD's response times, however, you still have a good chance at pulling it off.
Operation Lone Gunman -- Before you assassinate any president of the United States, please inform the Secret Service.
Operation Marion Barry -- Named after the groundbreaking mayor of Washington, D.C., this project calls for all felons to have themselves videotaped if they plan on smoking crack.
Operation Tax Shelter -- From now on, the first section of every IRS tax return will consist of one question: "Are you going to cheat on this? No, really -- Are you? Come on, it's just between us."
Operation Scheduled Insanity -- Drivers who pass a cop parked with a radar gun are requested to pull over and inform the officer that a while back, they were probably going 10 or 12 MPH over the limit, man.
-- Richard Connelly
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.