The first trailer for Eclipse, the third film in Stephanie
Meyer’s asexual vampire series, “dropped” this morning. At first
glance, there doesn’t appear to be much we haven’t already seen in the
Twilight movies: a pale, brooding Edward (Robert
Pattinson)…an earnest, shirtless Jacob (Taylor Lautner)…and a
Bella so indifferent to the attentions of her two suitors she might as
well be in suspended animation (Kristen Stewart).
See what I mean? Aside from the whole “Volturi don’t give second
chances” comment, pretty much every scene could have been lifted
straight from either of the first two movies. This is obviously due to
the overall high quality of the series itself, and not at all indicative
of other issues like repetitive dialogue, glacial pacing, and boring
characters.
But if you look more closely, you’ll see just what it is that appeals
to so many pre-adolescent girls and lonely housewives who thought
The Bridges of Madison County could’ve used a few vampires.
0:12 — Is this the Pacific Northwest?
Could be. Then again, could be Middle Earth.
0:20 — Whoa, hands where we can seem ’em, pal.
Vampires. Always pushing the limits of platonic affection.
0:23 — You think this is the Pacific Northwest?
I’m still not seeing it…
0:25 — The Renaissance Faire is thataway, kids.
One thing I never could stand about Santa Carla Forks, all the goddamned LARPers.
Mr. McGee, please don’t make me sparkly.
You wouldn’t like me when I’m sparkly.
0:42 — Guys, I’m pretty sure this is the Pacific Northwest
Though I still haven’t seen a coffee place anywhere.
0:47 — “I’m in love with you, Bella.
Stewart demonstrates one of her two emotions.
1:09 — The bad guy
It’s like Stevie Nicks and Shaun White had a baby.
1:19 — SQUEEEEE
 |
Thank Christ, I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to get
shirtless.
1:21 — “How many of these do I have to make?”
Ah yes, there’s the other expression. I think…
Boy, June 30 can’t come fast enough.
This article appears in Mar 11-17, 2010.
