In Season Five of The Sopranos, Tony is dealing with a lot of shit.
In addition to the usual set of headaches -- little things like RICO statutes and wondering each day if that would be the day that the New York crew decides to off him -- Tony was dealing with a marital separation and a teenage son who had all the motivation of Tracy McGrady rehabbing a knee injury.
The last thing he needed was his family putting more on his plate. Yet that's exactly what his sister Janice did. She did it constantly, but specifically in that season, she wound up on television one night as the lead news item when she beat the ever-loving piss out of a soccer mom at her stepdaughter's soccer game.
It was the last thing Tony needed. More headaches. Somewhere Brett Favre knows how Tony felt.
If you missed the story, then clearly you're not a modern day sports fan because if you don't have your RSS feed set to notify you of stories about crystal meth and quarterbacks' sisters, then what exactly are you staying up to speed on? Actual playoff games? So boring.
The story goes like this, courtesy of Fanhouse:
Brandi Favre, the younger sister of future Hall of Fame quarterback Brett Favre, was arrested in a raid on a suspected meth lab in Mississippi on Wednesday, authorities confirmed to FanHouse.
Investigators arrested Brandi Favre and four others after narcotics officers discovered the active meth lab in a condo complex in Diamondhead, Miss., Maj. Matt Karl, director of narcotics for Hancock County, told FanHouse. Favre faces two felony counts -- including one related to manufacturing methamphetamine -- and is scheduled go before a judge on Thursday.
So Brett Favre's sister named Brandi (Odds on my personal big board of Favre's redneck trash sister being named "Brandi" were set at -450, by the way, along with a solid hedge of "any name ending in the letter 'i'" at -1500.) was, at the very least, hanging out with a bunch of meth-heads, and leaves open the possibility that she dabbles in the drug herself.
After a season that started with the usual Brett "will he or won't he" retirement drama, progressed to "damn, we wish he hadn't" dong-shot drama, and finally ended with a "SPLAT" on the frozen turf of TCF Field, this is the last thing Brett needed. (Can't we just see Brett driving over to her house and screaming her down à la Tony -- "My name is all over the news because of your bullshit!!")
If you're looking for a fantasy meth-head scouting report on Favre's sister, the back of her "Meth-Head Baseball Card" goes like this:
NAME: Brandi Favre HT: Normal WT: Ample COLLEGE: Southern Mississippi (unclear if she finished or not)
CAREER ACCOMPLISHMENTS: In 1996, Brandi was arrested and charged with unlawful use of a weapon after a drive-by shooting near a motel in Louisiana.....In 1999, when she was 23, Brandi was arrested on accusations that she swiped clothing and Godiva chocolate from a department store in Biloxi, Mississippi, allegedly taking 19 items, including two boxes of chocolate.
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STUFF I'M MAKING UP ABOUT HER: Plays Meat Loaf as a lookalike at weddings and bar mitzvahs...began feverishly sexting Steve Phillips when she found out his taste in women....may or may not be Joba Chamberlain's actual mother operating under the fake name "Brandi Favre"....ate the two stolen boxes of chocolate in seven seconds.
And just when we thought we had seen the final episode of Favre in Charge, with Brett stumbling and drooling off into the sunset, concussed like a punch-drunk prizefighter, scratching out a check for fifty grand, the writers come back with an improbable twist and a new character -- the obese, felonious, meth-head younger sister.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from noon to 3 p.m. weekdays and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.