Cabo 2013: Your Johnny Football Spring Break Update!

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On Monday, I compared the Houston Texans in free agency to the Wheel of Fortune shopper that scooped a meager, one-letter-remaining puzzle for a few hundred bucks. That description would imply that the Texans are at least doing some shopping.

In reality, thus far, they've been more like the dude who lands on "BANKRUPT" or "LOSE A TURN" every spin. They're has been zero buzz coming from Kirby (at least there was until Bob McNair's private jet left this morning to go pick up Ed Reed). Actually, even worse, the thieves from other NFL teams are coming in and stealing the stuff the Texans already owned.

James Casey? Gone. Glover Quin? Signed with the Lions. Connor Barwin? Actual interest from numerous other teams.

So as we watch the free agency parade go by in Houston, there's only one place I can go that will sufficiently pick me up -- Johnny Manziel's Twitter feed!

As I mentioned late last week, Johnny Football announced to the world that he was on his way to Cabo for a "well needed" vacation. After a brief stop in Toronto over the weekend (He was spotted, where else, courtside at a Toronto Raptors game), Spring Break was off and running for JFF!

Well, not totally off and running. He did have to endure the pain of this preachy exchange with the self-appointed conscience of Twitter, ESPN's Darren Rovell....

Thanks for nothing that, Darren.

But once he was able to brush Rovell aside, then Johnny Football could go do some of his Johnny Football things!

First, there was the great Longhorn Tattoo Scandal, with a shirtless Johnny appearing poolside with some of his buddies sporting what appeared to be a fresh, new tattoo of a longhorn logo on his left rib cage:

For a kid who was reportedly a lifelong Longhorn fan, spurned by Mack Brown (as a quarterback, at least), and now the patron saint of Aggie Nation, Manziel was thought to be executing the ultimate heat check with his maroon-clad sycophants. Alas, the frenzy over the small patch of ink (whatever frenzy there was), was much ado about nothing as Manziel pulled the curtain back on the permanency of the tat via Twitter:

So in addition to "Heisman-winning dual-threat quarterback" and "poon slayer extraordinaire," add "diabolical internet troll" to Johnny Football's list of distinctions.

From there, Johnny got loose on Twitter all day Tuesday, replying to literally dozens of tweets from friends, followers, and haters, including telling one Alabama fan that he basically fucked his mother...

...openly mocking Heisman runner-up and easily duped, lovelorn Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o...

...and then (FINALLY!) arranging some quality time with a model from the 2013 University of Kansas' student "hottie" calendar....

As a 20-year-old college kid, it would have been every young boy's dream to be able to openly brag to your friends that you're trying to bang at least one chick from every state in the upcoming calendar year. If there's any 20-year-old who can pull that off in 2013, it's Johnny Manziel. And if he hasn't thought about attempting to do that, well, it's only March. He could still easily pull this off, especially considering that his online course load essentially allows him to fornicate and attend class at the same time.

From his Twitter feed, it appears as though his checkmark for Kansas is all lined up and ready to go!

So the bad news, for those looking for some Johnny Football fireworks in Cabo, is that it's been relatively quiet on the JFF front.

The good news is the week ain't over yet!

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 Yahoo! Sports Radio from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays and nationally on the Yahoo! Sports Radio network Saturdays from 10 a.m. to noon CST. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.

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