Cheerleaders Gone Wild: What's a Little Soiled Clothing on the Head Between Friends?

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Paging Holly Hunter. If that whole Saving Grace thing doesn’t work out on you, maybe you can come back to Texas and revisit the world of cheerleading. But this time, instead of having to endure Channelview, you’d get to visit the nice folks of Katy. And this time, instead of getting caught up in a plot to murder your daughter’s rival for a spot on the cheerleading team, you can play a mother raising complaints about the hazing of your daughter by the varsity cheerleading squad.

That’s right! Give me an H! Give me an A! Give me a Z! Give me an I! Give me an N! Give me a G! What’s that spell?


The setting of this movie, Holly, would be Morton High School. And it involves the hazing of 14 junior varsity cheerleaders by the 14 young ladies of the varsity squad. Of course, since it appears that the varsity cheerleaders would crap in their panties then place these panties on the heads of the younger girls, then the designation “lady” might not actually apply. Another favorite trick was to blindfold the youngsters, bind their hands, then throw them into the pool.


Now, Holly, I know this role probably doesn’t rise up to the level of Wanda Holloway, but I’m sure if this is done correctly, this movie would be another dark comedic masterpiece that would once again bring the people of the metropolitan Houston area to shame.

And hey, do you think that girl who plays Lyla Garrity on Friday Night Lights would be available to play one of the mean girl cheerleaders? If she’s available I could make the good folks at HBO happy and work a little nudity into the script – as you know, they like things edgy over there on the pay cable side of things.

So, Holly, that’s my pitch. What about it, are you interested? -- John Royal

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