ChristianSwingers.com Lets You Get Freaky for Jesus

There is this group of women who believe that if they only have anal sex, they are still virgins. Apparently, Jesus doesn't recognize sex unless your hymen is disturbed. I think it is written in Leviticus. Well, now we have a whole new ball of candle wax on the nipples to deal with in the form of ChristianSwingers.com, a Web site that promotes the swinging lifestyle for those who love the Lord (and if swinging for the Lord is wrong, I don't wanna be right!).

"Meet local Christian swingers who believe that an open and honest relationship with each other will keep any marriage fresh and exciting," is what the site says. It doesn't happen to mention the whole sleeping with other people while married is essentially shattering both the seventh and tenth commandments. Do it on a Sunday and the fourth is toast. If she (or he, that kinky bastard) yells "Oh, God!" in the throes of passion, the third goes right out the window as well.

But, hey, don't be a judge, Mr. Judgey Von Judgerstein. That's un-Christian! Just look at what it says on the site:

For Christian Swingers things are not easy -- often other religious people judge you, out of ignorance or envy, telling you that your lifestyle and love practices are wrong. But the Bible teaches us 'Judge not lest ye be judged' and there's that verse about the first stone...

God also told us to never shave, never eat shellfish, to keep slaves and a whole bunch of other stuff that is ridiculous, so why pay attention to the stuff that doesn't fit your "lifestyle?" I mean, homosexuals are against nature? Please! Wait, I'm being told ChristianSingles.com is only for heterosexuals. Good thing "Thou shalt use logic" isn't a commandment. I suppose that should be reserved for VulcanSwingers.com.

But, if you are still interested...

It's designed to cater to the needs of those like you: devout Christian couples who still want to have an active love life and share it with another, in good faith!

See how they used "faith" there, like it's a good thing to be faithful to each other while you are practicing deviant sexual behavior and basically worshipping the devil. That's creative writing at its finest.

Hey, I have no problem if you and your chubby husband want to get your freak on with the neighbors and you both happen to go to the same Methodist church, but let's not try to wedge Jesus into this mix. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to know about your sexual proclivities either.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.