Chuck and Huck, Sittin’ in a Tree…

So Walker, Texas Ranger has a boyfriend, and his name is Mike Huckabee. Seriously folks, is anyone else out there slightly stunned and somewhat befuddled by the strange love affair taking place between the Republican candidate for Prez and the guy who made “Sidekicks”?

I don’t suppose it should be so much of a shock, really. After all, Chuck Norris has pledged his faithfulness to the Republicans for a long time now, donating money to conservative candidates and even filling in for Sean Hannity from time to time. And that’s certainly his right. But what’s been killing me lately are his appearances with Huckabee. He seems to have a certain passion for him that borders on fanatical.

For one, there’s this surrealistic Chuck Norris/Mike Huckabee ad where the two take turns whispering sweet nothings at each other, like “Mike Huckabee’s a lifelong hunter who will protect our Second Amendment rights” and “There’s no chin behind Chuck Norris’s beard, only another fist.”

Then you’ve got Huckabee calling Chuck “a legend, an icon” and Chuck echoing how Huckabee “rose to the top” on Fox News.

And was anyone else cracking up as they watched Huckabee deliver his victory speech in Iowa, complete with a spastic-looking Chuck standing behind him, grinning like a girl on her way to the junior prom? I’m sure there was some sort of collective national realization as millions of people watched Huckabee and then slowly said to themselves, “Shit, is that Chuck Norris?”

Can’t wait to see what happens if Huckabee takes New Hampshire. Chuck’s gonna start kissing him on stage or something. Yowza!

--Jennifer Mathieu

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Jennifer Mathieu
Contact: Jennifer Mathieu