Clear Evidence U.S. Torture Rules Have Been Loosened

Houstonians have been subjected for a couple of years now to the inane first-person experiences of

Houston Chronicle

writer Kristin Finan, who seems unable to write a story that doesn’t feature herself prominently.

Finan learns to country-dance. To surf. To be a roller-derby girl. She takes a trip to South Padre. Gets her fucking fortune told. Goes mountain-biking in Memorial Park.

None of this would be terrible, if – and it’s a big if – she could write about it in any sort of way that is interesting.

But the possibility of that happening quickly became a forlorn hope, and a string of formulaic, dull attempts at wackiness has long grated on many Chron readers.

(All this doesn’t take into account her most bizarre first-person effort, where she posed as a Katrina evacuee seeking shelter and food at the George R. Brown convention center. She was, according to the Chron, able to do this without inconveniencing in the slightest any other evacuee waiting for food, shelter, or help from a volunteer.)

Now Finan has upped the ante. In the Chron’s never-ending quest to be the coolest dork on the web, she has started a “vlog,” which is webspeak for a person who videos their “adventures” knowing that they are just so damn fascinating.

Here’s the link. The Good Lord has not given us the strength to watch it. We thought about it, but then we saw that the first installment featured Finan’s attempt at rapping, and we were simply unable to click.

Maybe you can. -- Richard Connelly

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