I've always hated those screaming infomercial handicappers who claim to have never had a bad weekend gambling, mostly because I know they are absolutely full of shit. They aren't hitting on 70 percent of their picks as they claim to EVERY DAMN SEASON. They're spinning their lies just enough to where they legally qualify as truth.
Well, I am incapable of that. I am personally incapable of lying to you, and quite honestly, I've been so piss poor the last three weeks (4-14 ATS yo!) that I don't think this thing is at all spin-able. There's no permutation of my shiftiness to where I can even claim "Hey, I was a winner over [fill in random amount of time here]!"
All I can do is go back to work, look at the film, and try and get things corrected. Because it's what Gary Kubiak would want! Indeed, guys, this is on me! Ok, here are six picks that are DUE TO HIT this weekend!
Temple +6 over HOUSTON
Cougar fans aren't going to want to see me making this pick, but quite frankly, they need to worry more about buying tickets to their team's CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME instead of me picking against them. As of Thursday afternoon, 10,000 tickets remained for the first ever AAC conference title game, which is kind of embarrassing, especially for a school whose vocal minority shouts from the rooftop that they need more coverage (when they've been the most covered Texas college team in town this season). Honestly, the rest of the Coog fans are some of my favorite people, so it balances out. Anyway, this game completely feels like the Cincinnati game (spread UH -8) and Memphis (spread UH -6), which both went down to the wire. Those were both teams with similar talent levels to the Coogs. Temple has seven first team all-AAS players on the team. This one is going down to the wire. Take the points. (And good luck, U of H!)
USC +4.5 over Stanford
The end of the Stanford-Notre Dame game killed me, not because my alma mater lost on a last second field goal, but because Stanford head coach David Shaw butchered the last two minutes of that game in every way possible — clock management, time out management, game management — and was still rewarded. Now comes a USC team that is one of the five most talented in the country and is playing on a sugar high of having their popular interim head coach get the gig full time. Taking the points on the more talented team, and might even moneyline USC.
Alabama -18 over Florida
I had a dream last night that Alabama was up 62-15 in the fourth quarter of this game, and the only part that felt unrealistic was Florida actually scoring 16 points, and by 15 points I mean ANY points. Alabama is going to steam roll this Treon Harris-led iteration of the Gators.
BUCS -1 over Falcons
The Falcons are the biggest phony team in the league, led by the phoniest supposed "near elite" QB in Matt Ryan. The Bucs are just a better team than the Falcons, who are 1-5 since their 5-0 start.
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SHOW ME HOW
TEXANS +3.5 over Bills
The Bills are a defensive-oriented team that has been playing shitty defense lately. The Texans are a defensive-oriented team that is playing defense at an historically proficient level over the last four weeks. When line crept over a field goal overnight on Thursday, I woke up from a deep sleep like the Force was truly awakening.
REDSKINS -4.5 over Cowboys
I'm a big Tony Romo fan, so I hated seeing him go out with a re-broken clavicle (by the way, medically, the words "re-borken clavicle" are right along side "ruptured groin" and "anal fissures" of conditions that just sound horrible). However, the departure of Romo means we now have five more weeks to bet against Matt Cassel! It's a FESTIVUS MIRACLE!!!
Last Week: 2-4
Season Record: 34-43-1
Listen to Sean Pendergast on SportsRadio 610 from 2 to 7 p.m. weekdays. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanTPendergast and like him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/SeanTPendergast.