^
Keep Houston Press Free
4

Comment of the Day: Whataburger Edition

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them.

So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even.

This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involving wit, clarity and whatever else we feel like at the moment.

When you're drunk late at night in Texas, you are almost guaranteed to end up at a Whataburger. Everyone knows this, including the commenters on the Drunken Wee Hours Whataburger story.

We had a really difficult time deciding which amazing comment we were going to post from it, so we went with two.

First up, Max and his alleged tales of Whataburger drunkenness:

Ahh yes, down here on the Sandspit I had a lady friend busted for giving a blowjob in the line. The dude she was goin' down on was busted for coke, charges were dropped later cuz it was proven to be sheet rock. A ways later a very prominent socialite busted for pickin' up her food butt ass nekid, cops followed her home and busted her when she mooned them. Charges were dropped cuz she's got a damn fine moon. Tail's from South Padre Island.

If that isn't enough, there's The D and his across-the-street drunk driving story:

I once drove drunk from a friend's apartment to the Whataburger across the street - literally right across the street. We could have walked. In the roughly 10 minutes it took between leaving the apartment and getting our food I managed to 1) curb check violently enough to ruin my tire and wheel, 2) get out of the car and piss all over the menu sign and speaker, 3) puke on myself right as i pulled up to the window. That's just how I do it. WHATABURGER4LYFE!

Cheers, fellas! Don't forget to order fries with your beer next time.

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.