Confidential was the most-feared Hollywood magazine back in the day. While still somewhat sedate by 21st-century standards, it was no-holds-barred in classic Hollywood.
Famously, it lost a libel suit (in Britain) for saying Liberace was gay.
Anyway, looking at covers that are floating around the Web, there are lots of juicy-sounding stories. And then there were stories that sounded, well, a lot less juicy.
8. Eartha Kitt and the Man Who Sat There -- All Night! This story got somewhat overshadowed by the Liberace one, but we're breathless: A man? Who sat there? ALL NIGHT? With an exclamation point?
7. You Are Being "Taken" By Phony Bargains! Bing Crosby's boys can't hold a candle to the shocking breaking news that some companies may be using unscrupulous selling methods. Although given the use of quotation marks, we're not sure if people are being "taken" or not.
6. When Joan Collins Was the Perfect Hostess You can have your wacky weekend in the mountains, Jayne Mansfield. Us, we'd rather hear about the time the vichyssoise was chilled to perfection, the seating chart left no one feeling abandoned, and everyone got a nice parting gift from Joan Collins.
5. Buffy Sainte-Marie Makes Her People Happen Confidential, in a last desperate bid for life, tried to get all '70s hip and new. Unfortunately, this meant adopting headline language impenetrable to anyone but them and Buffy Sainte-Marie.
4. How Long Can Cugie Keep It Up? There are some questions, Confidential, best left unasked.
3. A Tip to 50 Million Frenchmen: Better Ask Marlon Brando About That New Phony Mustache Fad Finally someone is addressing the fallout from the phony mustache fad, which swept the country (or maybe just France) like a sinister phony-mustache wave.
2. The Joe Who Said "No" to Jane Russell! A scintillating story of not having sex. Although given the punctuation here, we can't tell if it's the quotation marks or the exclamation point that are messed up.
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1. Should Winston Churchill Spank His Daughter Sarah? Let's put it this way: If he does, we don't want to see it.