When it comes to crowning the King of Content for the year 2013, quantity is the basis on which the kingdom is built, and rightfully so. Maintaining a consistent flow of excellence/criminal behavior/bizarre work/belligerence is what gets you the ultimate reward.
But the extravaganza that is an overall calendar year requires a little bit of everything -- enduring, lasting personalities as well as brief flashes of pseudo-celebrity brilliance. I mean, sure, Live Aid was great because of The Who and U2, but Billy Ocean and Spandau Ballet were awesome, too!
So yes, when we look back at 2013, our first thoughts will be of Johnny Football's social media exploits, Royce White's anxiety drama and Aaron Hernandez's addiction to (allegedly) killing people.
But we needed a few no-namers getting their 15 minutes of fame to fill in the gaps. Here are my seven favorite 2013 King of Content "one-hit wonders":
DESMOND BRYANT: Desmond Bryant's Mugshot Ends the "Best NFL Mugshot Ever" Debate (2/26/13) Bryant, a free agent defensive lineman at the time of this story, was picked up by cops for criminal mischief. Not to be confused with Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant, who could easily be picked up at any time himself, I suppose, Bryant was rewarded for his arrest with a multi-year deal from the Cleveland Browns. The best part of this story isn't the arrest, which is actually pretty tame compared to other offseason crimes. The best part is the mugshot, which won the Internet for the month in February.
ELVIS DUMERVIL: The Elvis Dumervil Fiasco: 4 Winners, 4 Losers (3/18/13) At the time of this story, Dumervil was hoping to be a Denver Bronco outside linebacker and if his agent had faxed in the proper paperwork in time, he would be. However, the agent did not, and in an old-school fiasco (fax machines are still a thing?), Dumervil was forced to exit Denver and sign with Baltimore.
A.J. CLEMENTE: Zapruder Analysis of A.J. Clemente's (F-Bomb-Dropping News Anchor) 15 Minutes of Fame (4/23/13) A.J. Clemente was an anchor in North Dakota who had no idea the camera was running while he dropped a couple of curse words in his debut, before butchering his maiden voyage...
The consequences? He wound up on Letterman, Leno, theToday Show
and about ten other shows talking about his redemption. The moral of the story: In 2013, being the worst gets you noticedmuch
faster than being the best.CHARLES RAMSEY: DEAD GIVEAWAY: The Seven Stages of Charles Ramsey (5/9/13)
Random citizen in the Cleveland area whose bravery of calling 9-1-1 while he was eating McDonald's turned him into an interview legend and put him in the autotune Hall of Fame...
FILOMENA TOBIAS: Filomena Tobias: Middle Finger-Flipping Miami Heat Fan's 15 Minutes of Fame Has Begun (5/10/13) With camera phones and hundreds of paid cameras in an NBA arena, you can't get away with flipping people the bird anymore. Filomena Tobias found this out the hard way. As it turns out, Tobias has also in the past been accused of murder (of one of her husbands), so she's a lot more like Aaron Hernandez than she would probably care to admit to.
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ANNA BENSON: Anna Benson: The New Gold Standard for Bat-Shit Crazy Exes (7/10/13) Speaking of being accused of murder, Anna Benson, former stripper turned MLB divorcee, made the list based on her trespassing onto her ex-husband's property armed to her teeth with heavy artillery. If you're an America's Most Wanted junkie, you know this was as much a return to her roots as it was Benson's trying to make a statement to her ex:
JIM DARNELL: Summer of Johnny: Johnny Manziel's Lawyer Is Awesome, Wears A Cowboy Hat (8/9/13) Lawyers? Not really that awesome. Lawyers in cowboy hats? VERY awesome. Lawyers for Johnny Football in cowboy hats? IMMEASURABLY awesome.
Starting January 3, 2014, listen to Sean Pendergast on SportsRadio 610 from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. weekdays. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.