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Covering the Spread: A Humble Request for Stacks of Twenty Dollar Bills

Daniel Kramer

Hey boss man, I’ve got an idea for getting inside info on our local sports clubs. All you’ve got to do is give me a big stack of twenties every couple of weeks and send me out with the food critic guy

reviewing strip club food

.

Why would you want to do this, you ask? Simple, it seems that the girls of Rick’s Cabaret in New York – by the way, are there any Rick’s left in Houston or did they all go out of business when Warren Moon retired? – have conducted an unscientific poll with the result being that Mets manager Willie Randolph should be fired.

According to a Rick’s press release that I didn’t get and to which my friend Will Leitch wouldn’t link, “[s]everal NY Mets and NY Yankees can be considered ‘regulars,’ and the dancers at the club are unofficial experts on Baseball because they have met so many players from so many teams.” So one of the dancers conducted a poll of her fellow dancers about Willie Randolph, and by a large majority, the results were that Randolph should be fired.

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Now I’m not sure which of Houston’s many fine gentlemen’s establishments is the in-place nowadays for Houston’s professional athletes – I’m thinking it’s probably Treasures or The Men’s Club – but boss man, maybe you should send me out to a few so I can do some research and maybe get some inside info on what the various players are telling the young ladies?

And who knows, maybe I can conduct some polling of the dancers myself and get their suggestions on Cecil Cooper or Gary Kubiak or Rick Adelman.

So come on, boss man. How about it? Huh? Especially since they were right about Willie Randolph being fired. – John Royal

Editor’s note: Um…..no.

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