Current Television Shows That Premiered When I Was Still A Virgin

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The other day I had a random thought: When "COPS" first aired, wasn't, like, Jimmy Carter the president?

Dang. I just went back and checked. That show premiered when I was in junior high. JUNIOR HIGH. Do you know how long ago that was? I'm not ashamed to say I'm 32 and lookin' fine, but my God. Junior high. And "COPS" has been on all this time.


I used to watch it as a kid and laugh at all the boys at my school who would sing the theme song as they pretended to arrest each other on the playground. As a drunk college student, I chuckled ironically when I watched Billy Bob run outside of his trailer screaming about his wife. (Hell, isn't "COPS" responsible for the popularity of the disgusting but appropriate term "wifebeater" to describe those white, sleeveless shirts for dude?) When I was dating my husband and still had my own place (and was too poor for cable), I would watch "COPS" while I waited for him to pick me up for a Friday night date (talk about settin' the mood, oh yeah).

"COPS" has been in my life longer than many jobs, boyfriends, friends, and hairstyles. This disturbs me.

It's the same with "ER." "ER" aired during the fall of my freshman year of college when hardly anyone had e-mail or a cell phone. I remember developing a crush on John Carter, cheering at George Clooney's cameo after he'd left the series, and sobbing like a wittle baby when Dr. Mark Greene died. (And who can forget the LIVE episode!) The show is finally delivering its last gasp this spring with Dr. Ross and Nurse Hathaway returning. Too bad absolutely no one fucking cares.

"America's Funniest Home Videos." I thought every episode I caught on television recently was a rerun, from, say, 1997 - but apparently when Tom Bergeron isn't too busy emceeing Miss Teen America pageants or whatever, he is actually still filming new episodes of this show. This show premiered during the fall of my eighth grade year, and I watched the first episode (where the lady got her hair stuck in the dishwasher), and for the love of God I'm a married homeowner, and it is still on.

What the Hell am I saying all this for? These shows need to GO. They've been on tooooo long. They've overstayed their welcome. Unless you're "Meet the Press," get off the air after ten years. Please. We need new crap sometimes.

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