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Dear Google: Your Auto-Fill Feature Makes Us Sad

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On the one hand, the auto-fill feature on Google can be a boon. Want to look up famous German basketball players but don't know exactly how to spell Detlef Schrempf? If you can make it as far as "Detl," Google has your back.

On the other hand, the auto-fill feature is based primarily on the questions and phrases that have been Googled by countless other people across the Internet. Which can occasionally lead to some pretty hilarious results. Witness:

How come a cupcake isn't a mineral? The world wants to know! Eternal questions for the ages, indeed.

But sometimes, like so many dark corners of the Internet, Google just makes us sad.

Google doesn't have two Ls. Know how you can tell, just for future reference? IT'S RIGHT THERE ABOVE THE BOX YOU'RE TYPING IN.

You know what's really ugly? The hearts of all the people who typed this question into Google. Jesus.

Such important, existential questions. The types of questions pondered by Socrates and Sartre. "What happens when we die?" "What happens when an ecosystem is destroyed?" "What happens when you prestige in Modern Warfare 2?" Wait...what?

As if we needed further proof of how litigious our society has become or the further need for frivolous lawsuits to be banned from courtrooms everywhere.

"Why did you make me black?" And we're back to the sad questions of ethnicity and color once again.

Maybe some questions about God would yield more cheerful results...

Nope.

And in case the first screenshot wasn't emphatic enough, God apparently really hates amputees. We don't know why. He just does.

Don't show this to your grandmother (who, let's face it, likely drives a Buick).

Wait...do you have monkey balls? Or is this question directed at someone who was touching your monkey's balls? Either way, this is seriously disturbing.

A recommendation for the two idiots towards the bottom of the list: Get your girlfriend to sleep with you by proposing. Get your boyfriend to propose by sleeping with him. Problem solved.

There have got to be better questions out there. Somewhere...

Sigh.

There are many more unanswered questions about unicorns than you ever expected. For instance, did you know that they're hollow? AND NOT REAL?

What is real? The mechanical properties of cats. Except that cats cannot, in fact, be deformed plastically without fracture. So...never mind.

On the other hand, Google does occasionally come up with some stunning and unassailable truths. See below for further edification.

HOUSTON IS SINKING? We've got to get out of here RIGHT NOW. Thank God for you, Google. Thank God.

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