Disappointing Thieves Try to Steal Safes Instead of Boots at Cavender's Boot City

According to a report from KTRK, a group of would-be robbers broke into several Cavender's Boot City stores on Sunday night. At least two of the suspects were apprehended by police along with their getaway car, which was filled with cash and tools. You read that right: cash and tools.

The suspects apparently were going after the safes at the various boot retail locations. THE SAFES? To quote a Pace picante sauce commercial, "Git a rope." Because, let's be honest, any self-respecting criminal who decides to break into a boot store in the great state of Texas should damn sure be making off with BOOTS!

To be fair, it has not been reported whether or not they perhaps were wearing boots or that there was a secret stash of boots in their car or at their hideout -- because anyone who learned about crime from old movies knows all crooks have a hideout. But, if this report is indeed accurate and all they had were tools and some cash, for shame, robbers. FOR SHAME!

This is Texas, by God. You don't go a-robbin' in this here state at a fine boot establishment like Cavender's and walk out without at least a pair of ropers or some Tony Lamas. You don't have to go for fancy exotic animal skins. You don't have to pick up jean shirts or even a damn 10-gallon hat, but you come out of that store without even a single pair of boots, well there, fella, you're askin' for a mess a trouble.

Lookie here, partner, if you intend to be a respectable hombre, you best get yourself right. I don't want to have to have a come to Jesus meeting with you about this, but the next time you break into a boot retailer, you best be walking out of there in a shiny new pair of genuine cowboy boots, ya hear, else there will be a fearsome reckoning come to bear on your yellow-bellied, lily-livered, city-slicker hide.

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