Don't Call Scottie Pippen Bankrupt Or He'll Sue!

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It's always a little disappointing when you find out that certain urban legends aren't true. It's why I've never visited the mythbusting Web site snopes.com. Why would I want to know the truth when it's just more fun to assume it's accurate?

Along those lines, there are certain urban legends in sports that I had always assumed to be true -- I assumed ESPN's Linda Cohn had 12 toes, I assumed that Wade Boggs actually drank 64 beers on a cross-country flight, and I assumed that Scottie Pippen was broke.

Yesterday, sadly, TMZ blew the cover on Pippen. It turns out he's actually not bankrupt, and if you say that he is he will unleash his litigious fury on you.

According to TMZ.com:

Scottie Pippen claims he's been unfairly portrayed in the media as a walking financial disaster -- and now he's suing every media outlet that reported he went bankrupt ... claiming he hasn't been worth LESS than $40,000,000 in the last 10 years.

Pippen has filed a lawsuit against TONS of online media outlets -- including CBSsports.com, CNBC.com, Arizona State University and more -- claiming they all falsely reported the former Chicago Bulls star had gone belly up.

According to the docs, filed in federal court in Illinois and obtained by TMZ ... Pippen claims, "It is a most foul libel indeed to be falsely accused of being bankrupt"...

Pippen claims CNBC.com included him in an article titled, "15 Athletes Gone Bankrupt" ... and CBSsports.com posted a photo of Pippen along with a story about NBA players and bankruptcy.

As for ASU -- Pippen claims he was tagged as a person who had gone bankrupt in a law blog operated by the University.

Pippen claims each media outlet that besmirched his good name should fork over at least $1 MILLION in damages.

First of all, while TMZ may have shattered my dreams that Scottie Pippen has squandered his entire $109,192,430 fortune he amassed in the NBA, I refuse to allow this information to be submitted as evidence that Pippen is anything but a shitty tipper. The name Scottie "No Tippin'" Pippen must live on!

Second, you have to love an athlete who signed an atrocious long-term deal at well under market value so that he could have some level of financial security (like Pippen did in 1991 when he inked a seven-year, $19 million extension with the Bulls), bitched about it before the ink was dry (and for the next seven years) and then, after his career ends, he gets his panties in a wad when people question his financial acumen.

(SIDEBAR #1 on Pippen's shitty seven-year deal: They say that the two happiest days in a boat owner's life are the day he buys the boat and the day he sells a boat. Same deal with shitty sports contracts -- Pippen was happy exactly two days out of that deal, the day he signed it and the day it ended.)

(SIDEBAR #2 on Pippen's shitty seven-year deal: Luckily, Pippen managed to recoup most of his lost money that same way several other players did between 1999 and 2003 -- he caught the Rockets in the "well after Rudy T had lost his magical touch" phase. Nothing like the Rockets paying for five years, $67 million for everything that Pippen accomplished in Chicago. Smart business.)

Finally, it's very funny to me that Pippen shows more competitive fire in trying to go after a bunch of large, faceless media outlets than he did at the end of a playoff game in 1994. Remember this?

Yes, Pippen bitched about the play being called for someone else so he decided not to go in. If that happened in 2011, it would clog up sports talk radio for a week.

By the way, if you watch that video, notice that there is no mention from either of the announcers that Pippen is not in the game. NONE. If you're looking for evidence that Pippen isn't one of the all-time greats, submit this video as evidence. Do you think that any player truly above the line of "all-time great" sitting on the bench in the final 1.8 seconds of a tie game in the playoffs goes unnoticed? Um, no.

So yes, Scottie Pippen, maybe you aren't bankrupt. But you were overrated. Sue me for saying that!

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.

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