Doug Guller: Bikinis Sports Bar Owner Just Bought a Town, Will Rename it "Bikinis"

Hair Balls is excited because we just decided where we want to go for our next weekend getaway: Bikinis, Texas. What -- never heard of it? Maybe that's because the town's new owner hasn't officially changed the name yet.

The new owner in question is Doug Guller, who operates the successful Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill chain, and who apparently knows his way around a public relations campaign: Guller has purchased the cozy hamlet of Bankersmith, a stone's throw from both Fredericksburg and Luckenbach.

The town had about 50 residents "at its peak" in the 1920s, according to the Texas State Historical Association. The last time anyone checked, the population had dwindled to ten.

But hey, maybe that'll change once Guller spruces things up. Who knows, we might run for city council there. In the meantime, we e-mailed Guller some questions in hopes we could get a handle on how to eye a little town we've had our eye on for a while, and which we'd name after the greatest movie ever made. Yeah, you've got it right: Tango & Cash, Texas.

HB: How on Earth does a person buy a town?

DG: We've been searching for towns in Texas to buy for over [a] year and found this one in the perfect area.

HB: Can you describe how you went about buying this town -- who the seller was; did you just write a check, or were you able to put it on your credit card?

DG: My broker...narrowed our search to four to five towns. He helped negotiate with the owner(s) of the various properties. All of the towns that we talked to were not for sale when we began the conversation. We paid for the town in cash. Seller wants to remain anonymous.

HB: Will you be the mayor of the town?

DG:: Absolutely :)

HB: What are your plans for the town? Will there be a Bikini Hall of Fame?

DG: We are still putting the plans together for what the town will be. Ironically, we've been searching for a site to put the Bikinis Hall of Fame for the last six years, and this might be the perfect place for it.

HB: Have you engaged the Hooters people in any discussions about them purchasing a sister town?

DG: I think the Hooters people currently rent a town. I believe you can take a direct flight there on Hooters Airlines.

HB: Will there be a town ordinance mandating when bikinis can and cannot be worn?

DG: We will be putting together the Bikinis "bill of rights" shortly, and this sounds like one of the top mandates.

We can't wait to visit!

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Contributor Craig Malisow covers crooks, quacks, animal abusers, elected officials, and other assorted people for the Houston Press.
Contact: Craig Malisow