Eff You, Bill Donahue

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If you listen to ESPN Radio’s Mike and Mike in the Morning – and frankly, in Houston sports talk, there are, unfortunately, no other better options – then you know that several weeks ago ESPN roasted the hosts, Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic. The roast wasn’t televised – don’t want to bump a poker program after all – so for awhile, it wasn’t known what happened during the roast.

But details have started slipping out. And it appears things got a little ugly. Ugly like ESPN anchor Dana Jacobson being suspended for one week because she pissed off Catholic media watchdog – and all around asshole – Bill Donahue.

The emcee of the roast was one Jeffrey Ross, and if you’ve ever seen any of the Comedy Central roasts, then you know who he is, a rather damn funny guy who’s not afraid to let go with the profanity – if you watch Comedy Central late at night on weekends, you might get lucky and see one of the roasts uncensored. And if you know anything about roasts, you know that it’s meant to be a series of insults aimed at the person of the honor, fellow roasters, and anything and anyone. There are no sacred cows in a roast.

Except for Notre Dame.

Mike Golic, you see, played football for Notre Dame. Dana Jacobson went to Michigan. So there’s a bit of a rivalry. And Jacobson played up this rivalry. But apparently you can’t insult Notre Dame.

Now, video of some of Ross’s routine has been linked to the intenets – feel free to watch here. There is no video of Jacobson. But some of what she said has come out. And if you one of those people with delicate sensibilities, or you’re an asshole like Donahue, you might want to skip down to the bottom.

Jacobson, who was a bit drunk at the time (something about a bottle of vodka and getting assistance from Eddie Griffin), supposedly said the following: “Fuck Notre Dame. Fuck Touchdown Jesus. Fuck Jesus.”

And Bill Donahue didn’t like this. Apparently he heard about her statements and went on the attack against ESPN, claiming that ESPN was attacking Jesus Christ and demanding that action be taken against Jacobson. It’s apparently okay to talk about Mike Ditka’s dick, but don’t dare say anything sacrilegious.

Forget that this was a roast. Forget that Notre Dame has that damn Touchdown Jesus thing. Forget that Jacobson’s a Michigan grad roasting a Notre Dame grad. She’s evil and must be punished. And just how is that Touchdown Jesus isn’t sacrilegious? And why don’t I ever hear Donahue bloviating when some Catholic priest is nailed molesting another kid?

So Jacobson been suspended for a week. For something that wasn’t televised. For something that wasn’t taped on audio. For something that Donahue didn’t witness. For doing what you’re supposed to do at a roast.

And I want to know why assholes like Donahue get to dictate things like this. Who made this prick our moral compass? Donahue is the same prick who likes to go on TV whining about Jews forcing America to watch anal sex. Yet he’s our moral fucking sage.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone tore this guy apart in a memorable South Park last year. And you’ve really got to believe this would be a better world if more people treated Donahue with the same level of contempt as those two.

But I guess we’re not that lucky.

If Jacobson would’ve been on TV, or if the event were to have been open to the public in some fashion, the suspension would be understandable. But to suspend her for doing what you’re supposed to do during a roast, which is be offensive, well, that’s wrong, especially when it’s a private event. All because of Notre Dame and Bill Donahue.

And it just further reinforces my view that we’ve got to stop letting the so-called moral dictates of a bunch fools and their mythical gods rule the public discourse. It really would make the world a better place.

Oh, and if you want funny, profane and offensive, I give you Gilbert Gottfried, 9/11, and The Aristocrats. – John Royal

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