Esmailyn "Smiley" Gonzalez, Say Hello to Carlos Alvarez Daniel Lugo. Oh, You've Already Met?

Since he has been traded to the Houston Astros, Miguel Tejada has been fingered as a steroids user. It was discovered that he lied about his age - he's two years older than he told everyone - and the name on his birth certificate doesn't quite match the name he plays under. And now there's that whole convicted criminal who lied to Congress thing he's got going on at the moment.

Tejada's sentencing is set for March 26, and he's actually facing a year in jail. It's doubtful that will happen, but that's the maximum actual sentence he can receive. And if it should happen, the Astros are going to find themselves in need of the services of a new shortstop.

But don't worry. I've found a replacement.

His name is Esmailyn "Smiley" Gonzalez. He just happens to play shortstop, and he's part of the Washington Nationals farm system. He's from the Dominican Republic, the same place as Tejada, and the Nationals gave him a $1.4 million signing bonus when they inked him to a contract, at the age of 16, on July 2, 2006.

Or so they thought.

Esmailyn "Smiley" Gonzalez, who should now be 19 years old, is actually named Carlos Alvarez Daniel Lugo. And he's actually 23 years old, just a mere four years older than he's supposed to be.

Seeing as how the Astros have this thing for rapidly aging Dominican shortstops who have difficulties with telling the truth, I think this guy would be a perfect fit for the team. Now I don't know if he's actually any good at shortstop, but frankly, it's not like Tejada is any good. And since you can buy steroids over the counter in the Dominican Republic, I'm pretty sure that Gonzalez Lugo can help the Astros meet their quota of 'roid users if Tejada should go to jail. I don't think he's lied to Congress yet, but with his current history, this seems to be a given if the opportunity should arise.

And I'm sure that if Ed Wade gives Nationals GM Jim Bowden a phone call they can work out a deal pretty easily, say maybe Hunter Pence and Roy Oswalt to the Nationals for Gonzalez Lugo.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories