entertainment and sports worlds entire planet, and the International Space Station, has been rocked to its core by word that Eva Longoria and San Antonio Spur Tony Parker are divorcing.
So unthinkable was this event that the pair's publicist spent all yesterday denying it and confirming it and denying it; today, however, court papers were found that prove that -- no matter how mind-boggling it may seem -- the pair have split.
Longoria filed the paperwork, citing as the official reason for the divorce "Resspondent Parker plays in the NBA, which makes a Motley Crue tour look like a chastity convention."
Experts could not determine why it took Longoria four years to come to this realization. The most prevalent theory is that, like every NBA player, Parker has the innate ability to convince women he's sincere while juggling a handful of them as he travels the country.
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It's speculated that Longoria's time in Hollywood, where married couples always remain faithful, had perhaps blinded her to the realities of life on the NBA road.
Or not on the road, for that matter -- Longoria has told Mario Lopez on Extra that Parker was cheating with a teammate's wife. We know this because Extra send out a press release on the matter, insisting that the breathtaking exclusive be attributed to Mario Lopez and Extra.
We are sure that all the developments to come inside and outside the court will be handled with all the dignity and restraint that comes from a couple where one uses Facebook to cheat on his wife and the other goes on Extra with Mario Lopez to blab about it.
In more important news, the Spurs are still expected to kick the Rockets' asses whenever they play.