You gotta admit this about the right-wing, talk-show-listening, Fox-News-loving one-third of America -- no one can whip up a paranoid kerfluffle like they can.
The latest insidious event causing them to storm the barricades is Barack Obama's Stalin-like plan to hypnotize mass numbers of gullible schoolchildren into becoming mindless slaves of the liberal agenda by telling them to stay in school.
Even the hard, cold fact that Obama intends to kill your grandparents at the first opportunity is taking a back seat to this Master Plan of Indoctrination.
HISD is giving parents the chance to have their kids opt out of listening to the brief speech Obama is broadcasting to schools Tuesday, HISD spokesman Norm Uhl tells Hair Balls. ("The students who are opted out will attend another learning activity during the speech," he says.)
We have to agree that such a strategy on the part of parents is the only sensible thing to do, since Obama makes Beelzebub, The Teller of Lies look like a honest, straighforward guy.
To get to the bottom of this, we entered the scary depths of Talk-Radio World, and spoke with Michael Berry, the former city councilman who's the boss of KTRH, home of Glenn Beck, Hannity, Rush and his own show.
It was an interesting discussion, since Berry informed us that we are an egomaniac thrusting our opinions on the world without any deep thought. (To be sure, we accused him of much the same thing, and it was all completely cordial.)
Berry said that Obama is incapable of giving a speech without being partisan. This makes him different than any other modern president, he said.
"I think it is fair to say that he is far more partisan and ideologically radical and it comes through everything he does, and moreso than any president since Richard Nixon," Berry says.
Obama Derangement Syndrome: It lives!!! Anyway, that led to this exchange:
Berry: There's no doubt presidents have agendas...the question is, can they step back from that agenda for an hour and speak to the crowd assembled on the White House lawn of librarians, and say anything that doesn't appeal to a radical ideology -- whether that's on the right or the left -- can they step back and just be the president?
Hair Balls: You're saying that W could do that and Obama can't?
Berry: I'm saying W could do it, I'm saying Clinton could do it, 41 could do it, I'm saying Reagan could do it, I'm even saying Carter could do it...
HB: Obviously Obama has spoken at Memorial Day events, Fourth of July stuff, made all the kind of standard speeches presidents make, you go out and do that. Are you saying that they were all partisan to a degree unprecedented by any other president, or were they just the standard speech every president gives at those things?
Berry: Honestly, I don't remember what he said on those --
HB: Exactly, because he said the usual bullshit.
Berry: If he doesn't say anything remarkable, doesn't make news, then more than likely he was just being simply presidential.
HB: But if he talks to schoolchildren about staying in school, that's not going to be presidential, that's going to be brainwashing them?
Berry: I think there is reasonable concern among parents that he will not limit his remarks to the virture of staying in school, which we all agree with.
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Oy. So Obama simply cannot make a non-partisan speech, except on those occasions when he has.
For what it's worth, Berry said that if he had a kid in fifth grade, say, he would let him or her watch the speech and then they would talk about it, as opposed to pulling him out of school.
On the other hand, he saw nothing wrong with a parent deciding to not let their kid listen to what (in our words) will be a pabulum-filled, generic, innocent piece of fluff for fear of (in our words) those kids being secretly brainwashed into become Death Panel junkies.
He then went on to offer great praise for our Eating...Our Words blog, but we wrote that off as shameless sucking up to us, because we're egomaniacal and all.