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Keep Houston Press Free
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Fake Tatas on the Rock of Love Bus

What could you do with all the fake tatas on the Rock of Love Bus?

You could make a raft big enough to save all the people from that Hudson River plane crash.

You could rebuild the face of a young burn victim.

You could make one million rubber door stops.

I just went to this site to find out what else could be done with all the fake tatas from the Rock of Love Bus.

Mobile phone protectors.

Dry cleaning solvent.

Lubricant for a Rubik's Cube (serious).

Sex toys.

Juggler's balls. (The kind they toss, you know.)

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So many things that could have been done with the fake boobs on the bus, yet all that silicone has gone to waste to blow up the breasts of space cadets. Their boobs don't even look like boobs! They look like enormous, straining orbs of plastic. I mean, I can't even make a proper metaphor or analogy. They are just big, skin-colored balls sitting unnaturally on a woman's chest.

Imagine being in bed with all those women. It would be like being attacked by forty flesh-covered aliens in the shape of bowling balls. How could that possibly be sexy?

I think it would hurt.

Freaky, man. Freaky.

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