The statistics are undeniable. People love to play fantasy sports, particularly fantasy football. According to the Fantasy Sports Trade Association, over 33 million Americans supplement their joy in American football (or justify it, or both) by participating in a fantasy football league.
Much like the day after the Super Bowl, when the fantasy football season is over, there is a sense of despondence, a yearning for the calendar to fast forward to September.
Well, because anxiously marking off the months is a horrible way to go through life (and to find some sort of comedic angle in the Aaron Hernandez fallout last year), I created a way to follow the NFL in a "game of chance" sort of way throughout the offseason.
Thus, the Fantasy Crime League was born!
For now, and until I assemble a rules committee to make the scoring more detailed, it's simple -- eight FCL owners, each draft four NFL teams, and for crimes committed by players on those teams from the day after the Super Bowl through the beginning of training camp, you get 1 point for misdemeanor arrests, 3 points for felony arrests, and 10 points for murder arrests.
For points credit, the player must be on the roster at the time of the arrest, and points are accumulated for each count of a particular crime.
Yes, Aaron Hernandez in 2013 was the greatest Patriots fantasy season since Randy Moss in 2007.
Well, 2014 had been relatively quiet since the Super Bowl, but we finally got off the goose egg this weekend in a thunderous way thanks to Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice and his fiancee, Janay Turner. According to the Baltimore Sun:
Ravens running back Ray Rice and his fiancee were arrested over the weekend after a fight at a casino in Atlantic City, according a statement from the Atlantic City Police Department.
Casino security called officers to the Revel Casino at about 2:50 a.m. Saturday after a domestic dispute between Rice and Janay Palmer that was recorded by video surveillance, according to a statement from police. Footage appeared to show both parties involved in a physical altercation.
"The complaint summons indicates that both Rice and Palmer struck each other with their hands," the statement said.
Both refused medical attention and did not report any injuries. Rice, 27, and Palmer, 26, were charged with simple assault-domestic violence and were released on a summons to appear in court.
Rice's attorney, Andrew Alperstein, described the allegations as a "very minor physical altercation" with Palmer.
Well, no video has surfaced of the actual incident itself, but Wednesday morning, TMZ posted surveillance footage of a man who appears to be Ray Rice dragging a person who appears to be a woman (and who appears to be a corpse until very late in the video) off of an elevator. Here is the TMZ video:
We will likely find out just how quickly going from 4.4 yards per carry (Rice's 2012 numbers) to 3.1 yards per carry (Rice's 2013 numbers, #sadface) makes you "not really worth the trouble."
In lesser Fantasy Crime News (less significant, less sociopathic, less criminal), Roddy White gets the Atlanta Falcons on the board with an arrest early Tuesday morning for failure to appear in court to address an outstanding warrant he received over a year ago for "non-transparent material on windows."
As the story goes, White (Trivia: Roddy White's first name is actually Sharod. Who knew?) was pulled over Tuesday morning around 3:00 a.m. for going 75 miles per hour in a 65 miles per hour zone in Gwinnett County. A quick check of the sheriff's website showed White's outstanding "tint" warrant and he was arrested, and his Audi A8 was released to his front seat passenger.
The Falcons issued a statement Tuesday morning, saying the following: "We are aware of the incident involving Roddy White. We anticipate this will be resolved shortly and we will have no further comment at this time."
For what it's worth, White was released on $168 bond 90 minutes after being taken into the county jail, and if his mugshot is any indication, he appears to be fairly confident this is no big deal.
2014 FANTASY CRIME LEAGUE STANDINGS
ATLANTA FALCONS (1) 2/18/14: Falcons WR Roddy White is arrested for failing to appear in court.
BALTIMORE RAVENS (1) 2/14/14: Ravens RB Ray Rice is charged with simple assault.