The Baltimore Ravens have made frequent trips to the police blotter pay window during this 2014 offseason. This we all know.
Now, if you're a member of the Ravens' coaching and public relations staff, the team's crime spree has been a nightmare, with frequent distractions and with press conferences the Friday before Memorial Day. (By the way, where does Ray Rice's "when you get knocked down, you get back up" line rank in the pantheon of most poorly chosen words? The worst, right?).
If you're the owner of the Baltimore Ravens in the Fantasy Crime League, you're thrilled, though! It means you have a great chance of finishing in the money, with the Harbaugh brothers staging a late-game duel reminiscent of Super Bowl XLVII! (Right now, the 49ers are first, the Ravens second in the FCL.)
To that end, we add a Ravens running back not named Ray Rice to the police blotter to start off the week!
Say hello to Lorenzo Taliaferro!
Taliaferro is a fourth round draft choice out of somewhere called Coastal Carolina, and I would imagine that he is a dark horse part of the Ravens' plans this season, what with Ray Rice
being Ray Rice getting a year older and very little depth behind him.
Training camp and OTA's are a time to make an impression, but somehow I don't think that this is what the Ravens had in mind when they thought that Taliaferro could "make an impact" this season:
WILLIAMSBURG - Lorenzo Taliaferro, who two weeks was drafted by the NFL's Baltimore Ravens, was arrested early Saturday morning and charged with breaking a window in a taxi cab.
According to Maj. Greg Riley of the Williamsburg Police Department, officer J.A. Wagner was on patrol in the 400 block of Richmond Road about 1:15 a.m. and saw the incident take place.
Wagner observed a group near the College Delly get into a cab. The taxi lurched forward, then the group got out. The officer said he heard yelling and cursing among the group.
The cab driver motioned to Wagner, and told that a member of the group whom he identified as Taliaferro, gripped the window and broke it.
According to police Taliaferro left the scene, but was located about a block away. He was charged with being drunk in public and destruction of property, both misdemeanors.
Not cool, Taliaferro.
That cab driver has probably made as much in fares and tips over the past five years as you made in one stroke of the pen when you got your signing bonus, and now he's got to replace a window on his ride. You know how much a good glass guy costs these days, Taliaferro?
Besides, what the hell are you doing using cabs? All the kids these days are using Uber. Get with it, man.
So here are the revised 2014 Fantasy Crime League standings with one quick revision -- Colts owner Jim Irsay recently had his multiple felony counts downgraded to two misdemeanors, which means a scoring revision, our second one of the season after Aldon Smith's airport fake bomby-bomby situation was downgraded from felony to misdemeanor last month.
Here you go....
2014 FANTASY CRIME LEAGUE STANDINGS 1 point .. misdemeanor 3 points .. felony 10 points .. murder
49ERS .. 8 * 3/28/14: 49ers CB Chris Culliver is charged with felony hit and run, misdemeanor reckless driving, and felony possession of brass knuckles. * 4/13/14: 49ers DE Aldon Smith is charged with MISDEMEANOR false report of a bomb threat.
RAVENS .. 6 * 2/14/14: Ravens RB Ray Rice is charged with third degree assault. * 2/21/14: Ravens WR Deonte Thompson is arrested for suspicion of possession of marijuana. * 3/9/14: Ravens OL Jah Reid is arrested on two counts of battery. * 5/26/14: Ravens RB Lorenzo Taliaferro is arrested for public drunkenness (misdemeanor) and destruction of property (misdemeanor).
BILLS .. 3 * 5/7/14: Bills DT Marcell Dareus is arrested for felony possession of synthetic marijuana
COLTS .. 2 * 3/16/14: Colts owner Jim Irsay is arrested for DUI and possession of a controlled substance (felony), downgraded to two OUI misdemeanor charges.
FALCONS .. 1 * 2/18/14: Falcons WR Roddy White is arrested for failing to appear in court.
TITANS .. 1 * 3/20/14: Titans DE Adewale Ojomo is arrested for solicitation of prostitution.
BENGALS .. 1 * 3/31/14: Bengals FB Orson Charles is charged with wanton endangerment.
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RAMS .. 1 * 3/29/14: Rams CB Greg Reid is arrested for violating probation.
BEARS .. 1 * 4/21/14: Bears WR Josh Morgan is arrested for simple assault.
PANTHERS .. 1 * 5/13/14: Panthers DE Greg Hardy is arrested for misdemeanor domestic assault.