Loyal readers and/or Annise Parker fanatics may remember local massage therapist and dedicated Parker volunteer Greg Turetzky, who provided the Press with some insider insight during the last Annise Parker Election-Watching Party Numero Uno.
Back then, Turetzky predicted a Parker-Locke run-off. With his political acumen thusly verified, Hair Balls decided to pluck his brain for predictions on this evening's results.
Turetzky spent the afternoon pedaling his bicycle around Montrose to check early election numbers from the Parker stronghold. His bosses called him in around 5:30p.m., telling him they already had an idea of the outcome, he says, leading him to believe Parker had this thing wrapped. But early numbers show a close race.
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"It's tighter than I thought it would be," he says. "Today we're pretty sure she did well."
Turetzky then began getting antsy, obsessively clicking refresh on a Chron reporter's abandoned laptop, demanding new numbers, which have so far not come.
Then Santa Claus walked in.
"Where's Hanukkah Harry, man? It's Hanukkah right now."