New Year's Eve means parties, which can be either lots of fun or a forced march through dull hell.
Here's hoping yours is the former. How can you tell you might be at one that fits in the latter category?
You meet one of these five people. 5. The "amateur night" grumbler This dude doesn't have a single conversation at the party without sardonically commenting how tonight is "amateur night," full of lightweight drinkers, unlike real Men of the World such as himself.
4. The person who's convinced champagne makes him witty Giddy, maybe. Witty, no. And if you remember any of your alleged repartee the next day, you'll be cringing.
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3. The older couple who usually leaves parties at 11 That extra hour is a killer. There's a reason they always leave by 11, and it's because otherwise one of them ends facedown in the dip.
2. The person who hasn't been to a real party in a long time She has a great mixtape that everyone is going to love, as opposed to this music playing now that she doesn't even know who it is. Are you ready for some Hall & Oates?
1. The speech-giver The previous 12 months need to be put in some kind of perspective; the glories of good friends and good food must be celebrated. He's just the man to do it, at great length, bringing the party to a full-dead stop. Except for that woman in the corner dancing to "Private Eyes."
Don't forget to check out our six expert tips on avoiding a DWI conviction as you drive home tonight.