Five Presidents Who Could Kick Chuck Norris's Ass

In our continuing series of scholarly meditations on the United States Presidency, we now bring you a list of five presidents who could kick the crap out of Chuck Norris. Of note: only one of the top five served after 1908, although two honorable mentions came later. Where have all the real men gone?)

5. Abraham Lincoln The only man on this list never to have seen combat. Still, preserving the Union and ending slavery were awesomely badass, and it's little known today, but the young Abe was said to have superhuman physical strength. Trust us, this was one man you wouldn't want at your Festivus party if you were the reigning champ in the Feats of Strength portion of the holiday.

Some claim he picked up a barrel of whiskey and drank from the bunghole. (His buddy William Herndon later said this wasn't true. He only lifted it to his waist, but he did bend over and drink from the barrel.) Others say he could down a tree as fast as any three normal men. In arranged wrestling matches, he was known to pick up town bullies and toss them around like they were empty beer cans. Others say he could dead-lift up to 1,200 pounds and walk around with loads weighing half that. And on top of all of that, he was a helluva lawyer and (it bears repeating) he ended slavery. Chuck Norris couldn't do that shit.

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John Nova Lomax
Contact: John Nova Lomax