Five Reasons Autumn in Texas Will Suck This Year

In a typical year, autumn is a great time to live in Texas. The temperatures moderate, there's plenty to do, it's all good.

Not this year. Events have conspired to insure that this fall in Texas will suck, compared to most years.

Five reasons why:

5. Your trees are dying, not changing colors The drought has inflicted a massive tree-o-cide on Texas's forests, meaning that late-season East Texas drive is not going to be as colorful as usual. Hardly makes it worth risking the car breakdown that leaves you stranded in some spooky spot where you firmly believe you just heard the banjo song from Deliverance kick up.

4. The Texas-OU game will be a stinker UT is terrible this year, as bad if not worse than last year. Not only will Oklahoma cream them (a result not entirely objectionable to many non-Longhorn Texans), but the orangebloods will likely be spending their pregame hours cringing in anticipation or praying for a miracle rather than showering Dallas and the Fairgrounds with their usual braggadocio.

3. No rivers to speak of Or lakes, either. Pleasantly cool cruises on some scenic waterway? Maybe next year.

2. No fires Yeah, it's probably not a good idea to make that big blaze in a firepit this year to ward off the cooler temperatures. And if you're planning on starting one in the home fireplace, you better make damn sure your flue screen is keeping any and all cinders off your parched roof.

1. Rick Perry is running for president Speaking of cringing, be prepared to do a lot of it, at least until the GOP comes to its senses. And seeing how unlikely that is, you might have to wait until America does.

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