Seriously, I don't even know where to start. Let's just start by saying there is a Web site called BangWithFriends.com (I'm not going to link to it because I'm not) and the purpose of this site is to allow you to tell it what Facebook friends you would like to pleasure (or more likely be pleasured by) and it indicates whether or not they feel the same (fyi, they don't).
It's a relatively simple concept designed to keep your carnal desires hidden from people until the feelings are mutual, because nothing has ever gone wrong when people try to hook up using technology.
The more I thought about this advancement in hooking up, the more I realized what a monumentally bad idea it was.
5. The name is gross.
Look, this isn't meant to be a way for classy friends to meet and have a classy evening filled with class, but "Bang With Friends" is more than just to the point (or tip, as the case may be). The term "bang" is weird enough, but seeing it repeated on the Web site over and over makes me feel like I'm listening to some bro who keeps saying the same word until someone says, "Dude, get a thesaurus already."
4. This image/explanation.
First, ew. Second, while I guess this might be considered clever, I can't help but feel visually violated by this health class illustration as a means of explaining how simple it is to...uh...bang. Just no.
3. I mean...the logo.
Years ago, when I was about 14, I was in Europe on a trip with my parents when I spotted a ruler with sex positions on it at a novelty store. What struck me beyond the hormone-induced fascination was how impossible some of the positions looked. I swear, one was a 69 with a dude seated holding a woman upside down. What the hell? It's one thing to put some version of the Kneeling Wheelbarrow on a naughty ruler, but to make it your logo is stupid.
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2. It requires YOUR FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK to comply.
What is this, MySpace? I suppose Facebook has its own version of Grindr going on behind the scenes for people of all sexual persuasions, but allowing an app like this to have access to my Facebook feed seems like a major risk. Oh, sure, it's TOTALLY secure and discreet. Nothing bad could ever happen...except...
I know that it says you have to select friends you want to "bang" and only then will it be revealed if they feel the same, but one wrong click or drunken joke and...OH MY GOD, MY MOM WANTS TO BANG! Don't take that chance.