Five Sports Radio Calls That Should Be Banned from the Airwaves

I have always listened to a lot of sports talk radio. I've written about it over the last few years here as well. On the whole, I find it to be interesting, informative and rather entertaining. My fiancée will sometimes ask on a Sunday afternoon when the car radio gets switched to a sports station, "Are they still talking about the game that ended like five hours ago?" to which my response is, "Yes, isn't it cool?"

Unfortunately, callers can often ruin a call-in show. The good ones are insightful and funny. The bad ones are...well, I made a list of them here, so you get the idea. And I have great respect for the people screening calls on a radio program. Filtering out the idiots and prank callers must be a taxing job. But, in truth, they could do better.

I've made a list that should be tacked to the wall next to the call screener's desk so that these five calls can never make it on air again. We'll all be better off.

5. Fantasy sports questions.

Obviously, if it is a fantasy sports show, that would be an exception, but NO ON CARES if the host of a sports talk show thinks you should play Roddy White over AJ Green this week because of match ups. Stop wasting valuable time and hit one of the ten bazillion websites dedicated to fantasy sports nerdery.

4. Conspiracy theories.

We get it. The refs blew a call against your team. But that does not constitute a league-wide conspiracy to prevent your team from winning or to prop up your opponent because of the city they occupy or the number of jerseys you sell. It's hard to believe that people make mistakes in life-or-death situations like whether or not the second baseman missed the tag, but it happens. To use a very obtuse Seinfeld reference, when Elaine suggested that maybe there was more to Newman than met the eye, Jerry responded, "No, there's less. Much less."

3. Equating professional sports to your job.

We all want to relate to the athletes we watch on TV or in person, but the reality is, they aren't like us. They live in a very different world. Even if you are wealthy, you don't run in the same world as these guys. So, don't bring the "if that had happened at my job, I'd have been fired." Well, sorry for you, but you aren't a professional athlete. Oh, and to the guy I heard saying as the owner of his business, he would never hire someone with tattoos because they "permanently disfigured their bodies," Allen Iverson is going to the Hall of Fame.

2. Ridiculous trade scenarios.

We all hate this. Everyone. Even people who don't like sports think that in proposing trades you ran through the RealGM trade checker or your PlayStation, you are being dumb. The whole world thinks this is the stupidest reason to call a sports talk show. Yet you persist and we are all the worse for it.

1. Determining the character of a player by five-second snippets of video of him on the sidelines.

This may perhaps be the single most galling thing to me about listening to callers on sports talk radio. When some jackass catches a player for a few seconds on a TV, he suddenly thinks he knows him. OH MY GOD, DID YOU SEE HIM SMIRK? HE IS NOT FIT TO BE OUR QUARTERBACK! I tell you, if I took a few seconds of you chewing up a hot dog, I bet you wouldn't exactly be ready for supermodel school, so don't tell me you can suddenly judge the worthiness of an athlete by a TV sidebar, Dr. Phil.

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