4

Five Things You Can Do "For Jesus" You Might Not Have Considered

^
Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

The local news media has been abuzz with stories of a Spring woman teaching Christian pole dancing classes. Naturally, such a scandal has caused quite the kerfuffle amongst the local Bible thumpers, who find such outrageous behavior incongruent with good Christian values, apparently.

It got us to thinking about other activities we might be able to do, you know, for Jesus, that lean over into that gray area of moral ambiguity. We aren't suggesting anything the Bible expressly forbids like cutting your beard or allowing women to lead men in prayer. Heaven forbid.

But, in honor of this brave, pole dancing soul, we would like to humbly suggest five things you can do for Jesus you might not have considered.

5. Three Card Monte...for Jesus

It's only cheating if you don't tithe. Like a good bookie, Jesus knows the house always wins.

4. Competitive Eating...for Jesus

Gluttony is, of course, one of the seven deadly sins, but since most of these guys puke afterward, we're pretty sure that's a loophole.

3. Mosh Pit Diving...for Jesus

Christian rock concerts can get a little hairy what with their powerful messages and anger at Satan. Who could blame someone if they get so filled by the power of the Holy Spirit, they just have to slam into other concertgoers with the force of the almighty (and like six Red Bulls) coursing through their veins?

2. Hacking...for Jesus

It's not a sin if you are taking down an evil empire or the GLAAD website.

1. Mixed Martial Arts...for Jesus

Pound the demons out of your opponent. Hallelujah!

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.