The local news media has been abuzz with stories of a Spring woman teaching Christian pole dancing classes. Naturally, such a scandal has caused quite the kerfuffle amongst the local Bible thumpers, who find such outrageous behavior incongruent with good Christian values, apparently.
It got us to thinking about other activities we might be able to do, you know, for Jesus, that lean over into that gray area of moral ambiguity. We aren't suggesting anything the Bible expressly forbids like cutting your beard or allowing women to lead men in prayer. Heaven forbid.
But, in honor of this brave, pole dancing soul, we would like to humbly suggest five things you can do for Jesus you might not have considered.
5. Three Card Monte...for Jesus
It's only cheating if you don't tithe. Like a good bookie, Jesus knows the house always wins.
4. Competitive Eating...for Jesus
Gluttony is, of course, one of the seven deadly sins, but since most of these guys puke afterward, we're pretty sure that's a loophole.
3. Mosh Pit Diving...for Jesus
Christian rock concerts can get a little hairy what with their powerful messages and anger at Satan. Who could blame someone if they get so filled by the power of the Holy Spirit, they just have to slam into other concertgoers with the force of the almighty (and like six Red Bulls) coursing through their veins?
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2. Hacking...for Jesus
It's not a sin if you are taking down an evil empire or the GLAAD website.
1. Mixed Martial Arts...for Jesus
Pound the demons out of your opponent. Hallelujah!